The One Where Kate Returns
by Cress
Summary: A non slash story, beginning in Barbados. Joey:Kate, Phoebe:David, Bonnie:Gunther, Ross:Rachel, and some friendship moments between Joey and Chandler.
1. The Interruption

**This story will be primarily about Joey/Kate and Phoebe/David, but will have some Ross/Rachel in the background. To me, the Friends writers should have left well enough alone and not revisited Joey/Rachel, when they had written the characters as having moved on from that. They especially should not have made Rachel behave in that offensive, flighty, lustful way that she did in season 9.**

**So please remember back to season 3, when Joey fell in love with Kate Miller, his co-star in a play. Rachel is NOT the first woman Joey ever loved, no matter what the Friends writers have chosen to forget for the sake of their stupid love triangle/rectangle. The writers brought back Phoebe's season 1 love David, and they even mentioned Joey's hole digging from the season 4 premiere, so why can't Joey's old flame Kate be remembered and acknowledged too? Why falsely build up Rachel as the love of Joey's life when they won't be together in Joey's spinoff? It's manipulative contrivance and melodrama, without a point.**

Joey and Rachel were kissing in her hotel room, when suddenly the door to the adjoining room opened, and Monica burst in.

"We won, we won!" she yelled, happy about her recent victory in a ping-pong match against Mike.

Startled, Joey and Rachel broke off their kiss, then cringed as they saw Monica's huge hair, which had grown considerably frizzy due to the humidity. Joey fell down on the floor.

Monica gasped as she realized the scene she had broken in on.

Then Chandler followed his wife into the room, but he had no idea what was going on. Seeing Joey and Rachel's shocked faces, he chuckled, "Mon, I told you to not to scare people with your humidity hair. It's like Medusa, turning people into stone."

Monica just glared at Rachel. "How could you! Joey has a girlfriend."

"Not anymore! She just broke up with him."

"What?" Chandler was shocked, and he went over to help Joey up from the floor. "Man, how long were we in that ping-pong game? You okay, Joe?"

Joey shrugged. "She said we had nothing in common, you know, and she's right. I don't get art museums or paleontology or anything. She likes Ross better."

"Ah, Joe!" Chandler sighed and couldn't argue with that. But he patted Joey's shoulder comfortingly nonetheless.

Monica wasn't nearly so sympathetic with Rachel. "So let me get this straight--the minute that Charlie's out of the way, you pounce on Joey for a rebound fling? Are you that hard up for sex!"

"Huh?" Chandler glanced between Rachel and Joey, then realized that he had no idea what Joey was doing in Rachel's room, near the bed. "You--you weren't--? You didn't--? Oh my God!" He backed away and stared at Joey in horror.

Joey frowned and said defensively, "Stop looking at me like that, will ya? It's no big deal."

"Yeah," Rachel agreed, "and if you guys don't mind, we'd like a little privacy please."

"No way!" Monica refused to budge. "We are gonna stay and talk about this."

Chandler nodded. "Yeah, do you have any idea what you're doing, Joe?"

"What I'm doing?" Joey rolled his eyes. "Yeah, I think I know all about sex already."

"This is more than just sex!" Chandler protested. "This is about friends hooking up with other friends, not to mention that one of them has a baby with another friend." He glared at Rachel disapprovingly.

Monica said, "Yeah, this is a really big deal! If I've learned anything from what happened with me and Chandler in London, it's that this one incident could lead to life-changing consequences. It could be a terrible mistake!"

Chandler glanced at his wife questioningly. "As flattering as that sounds, I have to agree. You don't want to do anything rash, Joe. Even I know better than to sleep with somebody within hours of a breakup. Like Ross did with that copy place girl, you know?"

"We were on a break!" Rachel said, then gasped and covered her mouth. "Oh my God! I-I didn't mean that. Nobody tell Ross I said that."

The others looked at her skeptically.

Rachel insisted, "Seriously! I-I just said that because Ross wasn't around, and I expected to hear it. That's all it was!"

Monica and Chandler shrugged and let it go.

Chandler looked at his friend again and sighed. "Joey, just a few months ago, you were saying how wrong this felt, and how Rachel and Ross belong together."

"I know," Joey replied with guilt and thought of Emma again. "But things changed. First Charlie broke up with me, then Rachel said she liked me--"

"So?" Monica interrupted. "It's just another crush. Rachel gets these crushes on people all the time. Don't you remember Joshua, and Danny, and Tag? And I could list tons more guys from high school!"

Joey looked at Rachel. "Is that all this is? A crush?"

Rachel shrugged noncommittally. "I don't know. I mean, when did you realize that you didn't just have a crush on me? That you were seriously in love and all?"

Joey thought back. "I-I don't know. One week you were just my friend and roommate, and it was too weird to sleep with you, even if you were all hormonal and pregnant. Then, we went on that pretend date, and I started thinking of you differently."

"Yeah, but you weren't in love with me right then, were you? I mean, one date. That's crazy."

Joey looked hurt, and Chandler put his arm around him protectively. "You don't know Joey. He falls hard and fast. Like with that actress Kate Miller."

Rachel was surprised. "What? But I thought I was the first woman you loved!"

Chandler scoffed at her arrogance and stupidity. "Are you kidding me? You don't remember how head over heels he was about Kate? How self-absorbed were you! I was there! I heard Joey talking about her every day after rehearsal; I saw him crying after she slept with him and rejected him; I heard him calling girls all night to apologize to them because Kate had hurt him so bad. I mean, she even had a boyfriend at the time, and she knew Joey was seeing her understudy already. What a bitch!"

Joey protested, "Hey, she wasn't--well, she was just confused. She was a lot nicer when we talked stuff out that last time."

"That's only because--!"

Rachel interrupted, "Hey! Joey, then why'd you tell me that I was the--?" Then she remembered something with a gasp. "Wait. Kate Miller." She went to grab a name tag that she'd worn that day when they snuck into a pharmaceutical convention. "It says Kate Miller! You don't think she's here?"

Chandler shook his head. "At a pharmaceutical convention? I doubt it. Could be some other Kate Miller. What are you doing stealing name tags anyway?" He grabbed it from her.

"We were bored," she whined. "We wanted to get in and eat some free food."

Joey frowned and grabbed the tag, staring at the name intensely. "Kate. I-I said I'd never forget her. How could I--?"

Chandler shrugged. "I don't know, Joe. Maybe it hurt to much to think about."

Joey groaned and rushed out of the room.


	2. Remembering Kate

Chandler followed Joey into the hallway and looked concerned. "You okay? I thought you remembered her."

Joey shook his head and pouted. "I should have! I should've remembered. What's wrong with me?"

Chandler hugged him. "It's okay, man. It was like six years ago."

"But if you can remember Kate, then I should too, right?" Pulling away from Chandler, Joey said, "She was different! She was... I mean, remember how Phoebe's scientist guy left for Russia and broke her heart? That's how it was when Kate left for L.A., only she never came back. The only time I saw her after that was when she was on _General Hospital_ for a while. That's why--that's why I can't stand watching soap operas anymore."

"I know." Chandler nodded. Joey used to care about the plots of soaps, especially when he starred on _Days of Our Lives_ the first time, before being dropped down an elevator shaft. Now the enthusiasm was gone and he never thought farther ahead than one script.

"She was special," Joey said. "She meant something, and I didn't want her to go. I would've gone to art museums and fancy restaurants for her, if she wanted me to. I would've been a stand-up guy and not cheated."

"Sure," Chandler sympathized and believed him. "She was the one who wouldn't commit, or tell her boyfriend what had happened." He still thought of Kate as a snobby, deceitful slut.

Joey on the other hand looked wistful. "I never liked smart girls until Kate. I never thought it could be great just to talk with her and look into her eyes. That night, we stayed up talking about everything, and we totally connected. We were crazy about each other."

Chandler nodded. "Yeah, Monica told me how happy you were that morning. You had, 'the night', you know, when everything clicks. It's like when I stayed up all night chatting with Janice on the internet, you know? It felt great that I could get real with her and be honest, with no jokes. I didn't even care that Monica called me a geek." Chandler laughed at little at the irony of remembering when he had loved Janice. Then he patted Joey's shoulder. "I guess that's why you fell for Rachel with just one night too."

Joey shook his head. "But maybe I wasn't falling for her. Not really. I-I forgot about Kate completely until you reminded me in the room there. That's crazy! And now I feel..."

"Guilty?"

Joey nodded and looked troubled. "Messed up. I mean, maybe I-I was just pretending that Rachel was Kate? On our fake date, Rachel did this move where she asked me where I grew up, and got me talking all about my family and stuff; it was just like with me and Kate. I told her all about my parents and my sisters and my grandmothers, and she told me about her brothers and how one died."

"Wow," Chandler said. "Yeah, I guess that explains it. It did seem a bit weird, you know, you having such deep feelings again, and for Rachel. You've flirted with her, Phoebe, and Monica lots of times, and it never meant anything before."

Joey's heart ached at the memory. "Nobody meant anything to me. Not like that. Not until Kate."

"I'm sorry, Joe." Chandler hugged him close and was afraid he might cry. "I-I thought you were over her. You seemed happy enough, sleeping with all the girls again."

Joey shrugged and sighed despondently. "It was just... getting on with life. Realizing that she wasn't ever gonna come back from L.A. Sometimes I used to think I'd go move to L.A. and see if I could find her. But I kept thinking, maybe she doesn't remember me. We weren't together that long." He choked up. "Then I go and forget her, huh! How could I do that?"

"I-I guess so that the forgetting could be mutual. You'd have to talk to Monica. She's the one who's had psychology classes."

"It's awful! I was lying to myself. I was lying to Rachel. Man, I even told Rachel that I'd never had a romantic storyline on _Days_ before, and that's dumb! The writers had me making out with women right and left, even that chick who turned out to be Drake's half-sister."

Chandler shrugged. "Well, Rachel was right there with us, watching the TV! You'd think she'd remember those episodes, being the soap nut that she is. I don't know, maybe she just wanted a hot romance with a soap opera actor, and was flattered to think that she'd be the first."

"Ugh!" Joey grimaced. "Then this whole thing with Rachel, and Ross, was just a mistake! Just... imaginary. I-I gotta go tell him!"

"Huh?"

"Yeah, I gotta find Ross. He and Rachel belong together. They have a baby; they're a family. If I can't have the girl I love, then somebody should be happy at least. I gotta stop him before he does something with Charlie."

"Charlie?"

"Yeah, after she broke up with me, I saw her kissing him later."

Chandler was shocked. "So everybody's kissing everybody? Is there something in the water?"

Joey grabbed his arm. "Let's go. They might be in me and Charlie's room right now." They hurried away together.

* * *

Meanwhile, in Rachel's room, she and Monica were still discussing Kate Miller.

"So he really loved her?" Rachel asked. "It wasn't just a crush or something, like what he had on Ursula or Janine?"

"No it was more than a crush. Didn't you pay attention? If it was just lust, don't you think he would've been satisfied with that one night of sex that they had, then be happy to get rid of her the next morning? Why would he break up with that understudy girl, and be hurt when Kate said it didn't mean anything to her? Why would Joey cry and not give up on trying to impress her, even when we told him it was hopeless? And why would he watch her sleep, then talk all night, instead of just jumping into bed again?"

Rachel saw her point. "I guess I was preoccupied back then. You know, trying to deal with all the jealousy and awkwardness after breaking up with Ross."

"Yeah you were pretty busy," Monica agreed. "But didn't Joey ever mention Kate to you later, like when he first told you he loved you? Not even to convince you that he was serious and had real feelings, not just the sexist flirting around that he does with all of us?"

"No. No, Joey acted like there wasn't anybody else, even when he was talking to me about the Drake/Olivia story on _DOOL_ last month. He said that I was the first and only woman he ever loved. He was so sweet and earnest and vulnerable, like--like Ross on the prom video, when he was going to fill in for Chip."

"Ross?" Monica smiled and found it significant that Rachel brought up that name. "So you're saying you liked Joey because he was like Ross?"

"What?" Rachel gasped and her eyes widened. "No, no! No that's not what I meant."

"Then what did you mean?" she challenged. "It's a Freudian slip. You only liked Joey as a friend before, but lately you've been all ready to jump him just because he reminded you of Ross."

"Don't put words into my mouth! This is not about Ross! I mean, this whole thing started when Joey had that love scene on his soap, and I had the dream about kissing him."

"I still say it was a dream about Drake," Monica insisted. But then she gasped and considered the incident in a different light. "Unless--! Rach, you told me that scene was Drake trying to prevent Olivia from getting married to somebody. Just like when you tried to crash Ross's wedding to Emily."

"Oh my God!" she gasped.

"Yay!" Monica was quite pleased. "You love my brother again."

"No, I can't! This--this can't be happening!" Rachel started to panic and feel lost, much like before London when Phoebe had pestered her into realizing that she still loved Ross. She was upset with herself for being so blind, and also with Monica for not helping her figure this out before.

"See, psychology classes do come in handy! You were in denial, and transferring--"

"Monica!" Rachel cried and was fed up with her gloating. "Stop it, and help me! What--what am I gonna do now? I-I want him back, but Ross likes that Charlie girl! It's London all over again!"

"Rach," Monica rubbed Rachel's back soothingly. "Look--Charlie, Julie. Do you see any resemblance there?"

Rachel thought about it and asked, "Are you sure? You mean she's just another paleontologist?"

Monica nodded. "Come on, Rach. Ross always loves you, deep down. It's just, when you're out giving your number away and kissing co-workers, he has to find somebody else. I'm sure if you talked to him and let him know how you feel, he'd choose you again. And without a pro/con list this time."

Rachel sniffled and sat up, feeling more encouraged now. "Oh! Oh, I have to see him! I have to--where is he? His room?"

"Why don't you wait here, and clean up a little first?" Monica gave her some tissues and wiped some mascara from her eyes. "I'll go get Ross and send him over to you. And I'll try to make sure he doesn't do that list thing again! He's got a freaking baby with you, and that trumps everything!"

"O-okay. Thank you!" But she got worried again and grabbed hold of Monica. "Wait, wait! Should I explain to Ross about what happened with Joey? Oh, he's going to be upset, just like about that fake proposal at the hospital!"

Monica came back and hugged her reassuringly. "Oh, Rach! You were just confused and emotional and lonely. I mean, I guess I could go tell Chandler and Joey to keep the kiss a secret for you. I think they'd understand, if I explained that you were really thinking about Ross. They want you to be happy."

"You sure they wouldn't feel guilty and tell Ross?"

Monica sighed. "Look, even if somebody accidentally or deliberately tells him later, I'll help you explain things, okay? I'll tell Ross not to overreact and get crazy again; he can't keep driving you away with the jealousy and stuff. I mean, if you can forgive him for the 'we were on the break' thing, he's got to forgive you for a kiss."

Rachel felt better. "Yeah. Yeah, you're right."

"And you do forgive him, don't you?" she asked.

Rachel met her eyes and nodded. "Yeah. It-it was a long time ago, and I've--I've done rotten things too, like slept with Barry while he was engaged to Mindy. Ross was just, just so screwed up by Carol leaving him, and he had so many issues. If he promises to get his paranoia under control, and respect my job more, maybe we can work it all out. We've got to try at least! I still love him."

Monica smiled. "Good! Oh, this is so romantic, Rach! You guys can be together in Barbados, like me and Chandler in London."

"I guess so!" Rachel got excited and thought it must be meant to be. "Oh, what if we get married here, Mon?"

"What! You don't want to turn this into Vegas, do you?"

"No! I mean, at your parents' anniversary in Massapequa, Ross and I pretended that we were married, and the wedding was here, on a cliff in Barbados."

"Wow! That would be great! But you know, we're not in Barbados for that much longer. There'd be no time to have a wedding before we needed to fly home."

"Oh I know. It's too soon for Ross and me, anyway. But maybe we could just get back together now, and maybe next year, we'll come back and get married."

"Oh, that's so great!" They hugged again, then Monica went off to find Ross.


	3. Goodbye Charlie

Ross and Charlie were inside the hotel room that belonged to Joey and Charlie. They weren't kissing anymore, though. Ross felt too guilty.

"It's just," he sighed, "the fact that you came here with Joey, and this room was meant for you guys."

"I know," Charlie said, and felt bad about moving on from Joey so fast. She didn't want to come off like a slut. "So what do we do now?"

Ross shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe we should wait until we're back in New York. Then we can talk things over with Joey and see how he feels about this. He and Chandler almost stopped being friends because Chandler kissed his girlfriend Kathy."

"Oh. I don't want to come between you guys!"

"No, no, it could work out, I think. Joey forgave Chandler eventually, and he let Chandler see Kathy. Besides, you broke up with Joey before you kissed me, not after, like with Chandler and Kathy."

"Oh, okay. That sounds a good plan. But what about tonight, Ross? Joey's gonna come back to this room, and I can't stay here with him."

"Well, maybe I'll get Joey to stay in my room with me. Or we'll ask Rachel if you can bunk with her."

"All right. Let's go."

They got up to leave, when Joey and Chandler burst into the room together.

Ross looked embarrassed and guilty. He pulled away from Charlie and cleared his throat, "I-I can explain what I'm doing here--"

"Never mind," Joey interrupted. "I know you two kissed, 'cause I saw you guys earlier."

"You did?" Charlie blinked.

"Oh no!" Ross said. "I'm sorry, Joey! I'm so sorry! I just forgot myself. We--we weren't doing anything here. We were just gonna leave."

"Yes, it's completely true!" Charlie said.

"Well, good!" Joey said sternly. "So you better get out of here, then. Come here," he and Chandler grabbed Ross's arm and pulled him from the room.

"Joey, don't hurt him!" Charlie looked concerned. "We were really gonna tell you, I swear."

"I know, but we just have something to say to him."

"Yeah," Chandler added, "it's nothing to be worried about. You just stay here, get some sleep. Everything will be fine."

The guys left together, and Ross asked worriedly, "So did you mean that? You're not gonna punch me or anything?" Or worse, make him spend time in a box, like Chandler.

"No, Ross, we just wanna talk to you about Rachel."

"Rachel?" The three of them stopped in the hallway.

"Yeah, um, we think you should get back together with Rachel."

"What? Why?"

"Because..." Joey searched for where to begin. "I realized that I don't love Rachel. I never really did. I was pretending she was this other girl, Kate Miller."

"What? You mean, that girl from the play?"

Joey nodded. "It's been a few years, but I still think about her. Just like I know you always think about Rachel. You have got to get back together and work stuff out. You belong together."

"Joey, it's not that simple! Even if I was in that place again, Rachel's obviously not there. She's kissing Gavin from work; she's hitting on guys at soap opera parties; she's doing anything to be with any other guy, not me."

Monica found them. "There you are, Ross! I was looking for you in your room. You have to go talk to Rachel."

"What? Why?"

Monica said, "Because she loves you again."

"Huh?"

"She does! She's been thinking about how she went to London to tell you that she loved you. She even mentioned how you guys pretended you were married once, and the wedding was in Barbados."

"She did?" Ross's eyes lit up. "She remembers--? I have to see her. Where is she?"

"In her room! Go!"

Ross ran off, leaving Monica with Joey and Chandler, who were bewildered but happy for Ross and Rachel.

"She really loves him again?"

"Yeah, I was talking to her about it in her room, after you guys left." She looked irritated. "Why'd you both go so far away? I was running around trying to find you guys and Ross. You didn't mention Joey kissing Rachel to him, did you?"

"Oh, no. We didn't mention that."

"Good! 'Cause we don't want Ross to get all jealous again. I mean, at least until they get back together and do some couples therapy or whatever. Rachel really does want to work things out with him this time." Monica then explained how she figured out that Rachel's crush on Joey was merely a transference of her feelings for Ross.

"Oh," Chandler started to understand now, and explained that he and Joey had a similar conversation about Kate. That was why they went to get Ross and separate him from Charlie.

Monica was relieved. "Oh, that makes things much easier! If Ross ever finds out about Rachel kissing Joey, then I can just point out that he kissed Charlie and forgot all about Joey."

"Yeah." Chandler turned to Joey and patted his back cheerfully. "So things turned out all right, after all, huh? Maybe they really can be a family this time!"

Joey nodded but looked depressed again, muttering, "If I can't have Kate, they should be happy..."

Concerned, Chandler hugged him and said, "Hey, it's gonna be okay."

Seeing how much Joey missed her, Monica told Chandler to go take Joey drinking in the bars, to help him get over Kate. "I'll stick around here in case Ross and Rachel have some crisis and need help again. You know, like another 'we were on a break' argument."

"Thanks. We'll see you later."

Joey and Chandler went off together, while Monica returned to her hotel room and hoped to listen in on the adjoining room with a glass to the wall.

* * *

When Ross arrived, he burst in and stammered, "Monica said, said that you--" He was out of breath and didn't dare to say 'love', in case Monica had been exaggerating things, so he asked instead, "Rach, did you really remember about us getting married on a cliff in Barbados?" It had been well over a year since that party, and he thought that Rachel had forgotten their fibs by now.

"Yes! Yes, Ross," she said with a smile and went over to hug him. "And I remember you saying that you proposed in the planetarium, where we had our first time."

"And the room was filled with lilies, your favorite flower!"

Rachel nodded, "And there was music, and the lights came down, and the stars spelled out, 'Will you marry me?'"

"Oh, Rach!" Ross kissed her cheek and sighed elatedly.

Rachel cried, then she told him that she loved him and that she now forgave him for sleeping with Chloe.

Pulling back to meet her eyes, Ross felt overwhelmed with happiness and gratitude, so he kissed her and told her that he loved her too.

"Really? You're not just saying it, because I--"

"I love you, Rach" he said. "I-I was so afraid, especially after our fight about Gavin, and you moving out, that it was the last straw. That I'd blown it with you for good, and I'd never have another chance again. So lately I've just been concentrating on being there for Emma, and trying to move on from you. But I-I haven't. Not really."

"Ross!" Soon they were kissing and embracing, laughing about how many years it had taken to get to this point. They even started talking about living together again, but then Ross suddenly remembered Charlie and felt terrible. He frowned and backed away.

"Honey?" Rachel asked him what was wrong.

Just as Monica had predicted, there was indeed a crisis. Wrestling with his conscience, and realizing that he didn't want to start his new relationship with Rachel on a lie, Ross paced around the room and confessed that he had kissed Charlie just a few minutes ago.

"You--you did?" Rachel felt rather jealous.

He nodded and explained, "She--she had just, um, broken up with Joey, and she started flirting with me. I-I knew it was unethical, and that if anything, I should go see if Joey was okay, and I should have!" He sighed, "But I-I was trying to move on from you, Rach, and I thought, well, if--if Charlie's really interested, maybe I should take the chance..."

"You--you didn't sleep with her?"

Thankfully, Monica was listening, so she intervened again, opening the door and answering for Ross, "No, he didn't!"

"Monica!"

"I'm trying to help! Believe me, Rachel, he didn't do anything but kiss her, and when Joey and Chandler found them, they had already stopped out of guilt."

"But he kissed her!" Rachel said, very upset.

Monica gave her a look and said meaningfully, "Yes, and lots of people have been kissing this weekend. Like, Phoebe came here with David, but she got back together with Mike. And you came here alone, but now you're trying to get back together with Ross. Yes, Ross may have kissed her just now, but he stopped there. He didn't go sleep with her, and the moment that I told him you wanted him back, he forgot about her and came straight here. He wants things to work out too, and he was honest with you. Isn't that great?"

Rachel thought about it. "I-I don't know."

Monica leaned close to her and whispered, "You kissed Joey, so you're even. Do you want me to tell him that or not?"

Rachel realized what she meant and blushed.

Still contrite, Ross said he was sorry about the kiss, and that he would go break things off with Charlie now, for Rachel.

"You're going to her room?"

Rachel's hurt tone made Ross stop and look back at her, worried.

"It's a good thing, Rachel!" Monica said. "Trust him."

Ross shook his head and said miserably, "This--this is just like at the beach with Bonnie, isn't it? You don't want me anymore do you, Rachel?"

"No!" Monica protested in frustration. "Rachel, do you love him or not? You can't just keep going back and forth like this! This is my brother! You have to make up your mind whether you really trust him again, or just break things off for good. I mean, would you rather be like Emily, being paranoid and demanding?"

Rachel thought about it, and shook her head. She realized what she wanted now. "I-I still love you, Ross. You told me the truth, so I'll trust you."

"You will?" Ross was happy.

She nodded. "So you'll break up with her right away, and come back to me?"

"Yes!" he said with relief. "Yes, I'll be back here as soon as I can."

Monica grinned and clapped. "Good! Now give her a kiss before you go!"

Ross smiled, kissing Rachel and then hugging his sister before he rushed out the door.

While they were alone, Monica told Rachel more details of how she and the guys had convinced Ross to come see Rachel. Monica also told her that if they had any further issues, they probably should try to work it out in couples counseling or something. "And just like he's not going to write a pro/con list this time, you shouldn't write any eighteen-page letter, either. Talk things out, okay?"

"Okay." They hugged again.


	4. Lovers Reunited

At the hotel bar, Joey and Chandler sat together, drinking heavily.

"I'm sorry, Joe." Chandler didn't like seeing him so depressed. "I wonder if there's a strip club somewhere that we could go to, to cheer you up?"

Joey shook his head, not being in Phase 2 yet. "No, I-I just want to remember Kate now. Do you remember her, Chandler? Her blue eyes, and her soft hair and her smile? The way that she used to talk?"

Chandler shrugged. "Mostly I remember her kissing her boyfriend in front of you. I remember you calling up all those girls on the phone to apologize for sleeping with them and dumping them afterward. I remember you staying at home and crying about her until you decided to buy a chick to cheer you up."

"Yeah, then you got the duck too."

"Two good things came from that whole Kate mess, at least."

"Yeah."

As they were talking, a woman with long, curly hair came into the bar. When she saw the guys at the bar, she called out, "Joey?"

Joey turned around and couldn't believe his eyes. "Kate?"

"Joey, oh my God, it's really you!" She rushed forward and hugged him.

"Kate! What--what are you doing here?"

"Well, my brother, you know, is a pharmacist, and he had a conference here. He said I should come and enjoy the sunny weather in Barbados. Ha! Actually, he's trying to fix me up with somebody here, but thankfully, we could never find my name tag to let me into his conference. Mostly I've been hanging out by the pool or in here, reading scripts. It's so great to see you, Joey."

"It's great to see you." He hugged her again and held on tight. "I-I should have remembered about your brother."

Chandler cleared his throat loudly. "Hey, I'm Joey's invisible friend, Chandler."

Kate pulled out of Joey's arms and smiled, shaking Chandler's hand. "Hi, um, I'm Kate. Sorry for not seeing you there. I'm, I'm kind of an old friend of Joey's."

Chandler informed her, "Actually, I'm an old friend of Joey's too. I met you once, on the opening night of that play, _Boxing Day_."

"You did? Oh, I'm sorry. You were one of the friends that he brought to the theatre that night! Sorry, I guess I was kind of distracted then."

"Yeah, by your boyfriend Marshall," he said acidly.

Joey nudged Chandler in the ribs. "Hey, Kate, do you wanna go somewhere and talk for a while?"

"Oh, great! Yeah. Um, what about your friend?"

"Don't worry. Chandler's got to go back to his wife now."

"Joe--"

"Bye, Chandler. Good luck making a baby." He put his arm around Kate and walked off with her, lost in her blue eyes.

Stuck with the bar bill, Chandler tossed down some money angrily and followed after them. He was supposed to be helping Joey get over Kate, not hook up again! Chandler didn't trust her, either. What if Kate turned out to be a bitchy, deceitful slut this time too? What if she led Joey on and broke his heart again? Chandler was determined not to let that happen.

So Chandler trailed after the couple as they took a long walk through the hotel, chatting and laughing together. They finally ended up in the game room and sat down.

Chandler hid behind a potted plant and listened to them talking for hours. They discussed the events of the past six years, as well as more recent things, like all the rain in Barbados. Kate even asked whether Joey's father still had a mistress, and Joey reluctantly admitted that he did.

"It's been fourteen years! Why won't he stop already? Why won't mom make him?"

"Oh, I'm sorry!" Kate hugged him comfortingly and kissed him.

Joey sighed, then changed the subject to his younger sister Dina, who had a baby with Bobby Corso. Joey tried to help them out and be a good uncle, but he still worried and felt that they were too young to go through this. "I guess they're really not gonna get married, but the least he could do is give up on his stupid gangsta-rap band!"

Chandler had never heard Joey share so much with a woman before, and he imagined that their all night talk six years ago must have been similar.

Joey and Kate were clearly falling in love again, and they even discussed possibly seeing each other after Barbados. Maybe she would come visit Joey in New York, or maybe Joey would come visit her in L.A.

Then Kate kissed Joey rather passionately and asked, "Is it okay if we go back to my room? And this time I hope our chaperone isn't coming with us." She glanced in Chandler's direction.

Joey smiled. "Goodnight, Chandler! Go join your wife like I told you to."

Chandler was embarrassed at being caught, but he stood up and said, "You shouldn't rush into anything, Joe. You just broke up with Charlie!"

"I don't care," Joey answered. "Go on. Monica's gonna be worried about you!"

Chandler groaned and started to go, but then he turned back and looked at Kate threateningly. "If you break his heart one more time, I'll--I'll make a website about you and post mean things!"

Joey and Kate just laughed, then met each other's eyes and kissed again. They left together while Chandler went back to his hotel room.

* * *

Monica woke up when Chandler crawled into bed with her late that night.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to wake you."

"It's okay, sweetie. So how's Joey doing?"

"Actually, he's spending the night with Kate."

"Kate? What do you mean?"

"Turns out, that name tag does belong to Kate Miller. The same Kate that left Joey six years ago. She's here with her brother, the pharmacist."

"Wow! So lots of lovers got back together thanks to our meddling: Phoebe with Mike, Ross with Rachel, and Joey with Kate. Isn't it great?"

Chandler shrugged and lay back with a sigh. "I think Joey's rushing things with Kate. I mean, she might be acting nice now, but she might just leave him again. I mean, she was only nice to Joey that last time because he was making her feel better about the horrible reviews on opening night. And then she just accepted that job in L.A. without even calling Joey or anything, and then she left."

"You sound like you hate her."

"I just don't trust her. I don't think she understands commitment. She cheated on her boyfriend with Joey, and didn't even feel guilty at all. And what kind of person stars in a play, then bails for another job after one lousy night?"

Monica said, "Well, Joey's not exactly a person who understands commitment either. And that play was awful."

"I know, but Joey loved her. She's just gonna break his heart again!"

"Chandler, calm down! If Joey's willing to give her a second chance, then let him. Who knows? Maybe she's changed for the better. Maybe it will work out. I mean, Rachel is giving Ross another chance and forgiving him for sleeping with that copy place girl. Phoebe is giving Mike another chance after they argued about getting married."

Chandler thought about it and said, "Well, we--we don't really know if Phoebe and Mike will work out. I mean, after Phoebe dumped David, and he came back because he couldn't get an earlier flight home to New York, Phoebe did invite David to stay in the room with them."

Monica sighed. "Yeah, that was weird, and awkward. She should have let David go stay with Ross or something, but she really insisted on it. I guess because she felt so guilty."

"Yeah," Chandler said. "I think I heard Phoebe and Mike fighting about that this morning, so they've got some problems to work out. Also, you know, it seems like Mike only came here and proposed to Phoebe because you warned him about David. I bet he wasn't really ready to get married at all. What would he have done if Phoebe had accepted? Go along with the engagement just to avoid an argument? Or made a Mike-shaped hole in the door?"

Monica laughed and recalled, "Remember when you proposed and I almost had a Chandler-shaped hole in my door? Yeah, an insincere proposal is no better than an insincere acceptance. But you know, you could say the same thing about David. He only proposed to Phoebe because you gave him some bad advice."

"I didn't tell him to propose! I just said to show that he was open to marriage. He just took it too far."

"Right. Why do guys want always want to rush things with Phoebe? Gary the cop wanted to move in with her after only a couple of months. Now David proposes in half that time."

Chandler shrugged. "Maybe it's just the kind of guy that Phoebe attracts. And Ursula. That Eric guy wanted to marry Ursula after only two weeks."

"Yeah, some people are just so crazy and impulsive. Remember when we thought Pete was going to propose to me, and I seriously considered saying yes?"

"Yeah! Thank God that millionaire was crazy about Ultimate Fighting instead of you."

"Hey! He was still crazy about me. I dumped him."

"And I'm glad you did." They kissed, then Chandler yawned tiredly. "What a long day. What with the couple-swapping and the ping-pong, I'm beat."

"Yeah," she smiled. "Goodnight, sweetie."

"Goodnight."

* * *

Joey woke up with Kate the next morning and smiled happily. "Hey," he said, and kissed her.

She snuggled up to him and laughed. "Hey. My hair must be a mess. It always gets frizzy in the humidity."

"You and Monica should give each other tips."

"She's the one married to Chandler, right?"

"Yeah. You should meet them all, you know."

"Sure, that would be fun. And you should meet my brother, if I can get him away from his conference for a while."

Joey glanced at the clock. "Oh, wait! I gotta go pack."

"Oh! Do you really have to leave for New York already?"

"Yeah. I really wish I could stay here." If only they had run into each other earlier on this Barbados trip.

Kate sighed. "It's okay. At least you have a TV show to get back to. Mine was cancelled."

"I've been there! Did you see me on _Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E_?"

She laughed. "Yeah, you and a robot sidekick. Almost as much fun as me fighting crime from a wheelchair and occasionally wearing the Batgirl suit."

Joey hugged her encouragingly. "You'll get something else. Maybe if you come back to New York, you'll have better luck."

"I hope so. All the scripts I'm getting lately make _Boxing Day_ look like Shakespeare."

"So you'll come back?"

She shrugged. "Yeah, why not? I mean, I'll have to go home first and talk to my agent and my brother and everything. But then I'll pack my bags and get on a plane to New York, okay?"

"Okay. I can't wait!"

"Me neither." She kissed him lovingly. "Until then, you'll call me, right?"

"Right."

"And tell your friend Chandler not to give me the evil eye anymore. The only boyfriend I have this time is you."

He kissed her happily, then got out of bed and hurried to dress and join his friends.

* * *

Ross and Rachel lingered in bed for a while.

Stroking her hair, Ross said softly, "Hey, I'm sorry about hiding that phone number and getting so upset about that Gavin guy. You and me weren't together, and even if we were, I should have learned from that whole Mark disaster."

Rachel nodded. "Yeah. But to be fair, Ross, you were right. I was the one who asked you not to date anybody while I was pregnant. We should have had a talk about what that might mean after Emma was born."

Ross chuckled. "Yeah, everybody tells us to talk things out, and we never do. Why is that?"

Rachel shrugged. "Maybe because when we talk about us, we get back into that whole 'we were on a break' issue."

Ross asked her, "Do you really forgive me for that, Rach?" It had been a sore point between for so many years.

Rachel nodded. "Well, I-I don't want you doing it again, certainly. But the point was never really whether we were on a break or not, Ross. It was about me being hurt that you could sleep with her so soon. But you know, even after you did that, I still kept falling back in love with you at the beach, in London, and those kisses before and after Emma's birth. To tell the truth, I wasn't even gonna call that guy from the bar because I was thinking about you and me that night. We keep having these moments, Ross, when all the fighting goes away, and it's just us. You know?"

"I know. I love you, Rachel, and I promise you I will never hurt you again, in any way. I know I was horrible to you about Mark and your job... I mean, if anything, I could've driven you straight into his arms, and I would've completely deserved that. Plus, since then, I've experienced Emily being unreasonable and jealous about me, and now I see how you felt, and why you needed that break to begin with."

She smiled. "See, that's all I wanted--for you to understand how I felt."

"I know." He kissed her. "So this time I am gonna trust you and talk things through and behave like an adult, okay?"

"Okay. And I'll do the same for you. No more of this 'once a cheater, always a cheater' stuff from my mom. I mean, what does she know? She got divorced. It's not like you're Barry, the serial cheater. We can forgive and move past it. For Emma. For us."

"For us." He kissed Rachel, and for the first time in years, they looked forward to a great future.

**Dina Meyer, who plays Kate, recently starred on the TV show _Birds of Prey_, which got cancelled. Assume that the same thing happened to Kate.**

**Also, see Chapter 5 for further explanation of why David stayed the night with Phoebe and Mike.**


	5. A Long Way Home

[I like David much better than Mike, and I hated the way that David was brushed aside in the season finale. So Phoebe is going to have to agonize over that decision some more. We've seen David so rarely that I don't think I have a good handle on his speech patterns, so you'll have to excuse me if he sounds out of character here.]  
  
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Ross returned to his hotel room to shower and pack his bags, but to his shock, he found David the physicist sitting on the bed, staring sadly at the engagement ring that he had bought for Phoebe.  
  
Ross was just as bewildered as when Mike showed up for the keynote speech yesterday. "David? I, uh, I thought you were gone already."  
  
David shook his head miserably. "No, um, I-I couldn't get an earlier flight from Barbados, so I had to stick around here. I couldn't even get another hotel room because this island is all booked up with paleontologists and pharmacists and girlfriend-stealing, ex-lawyer piano players."  
  
"Oh," Ross frowned. "So you spent the night here?"  
  
David nodded. "Yeah, um, when Monica came to tell Phoebe last night about you and Rachel getting back together, they realized that your room would be empty, so I could stay here."  
  
"I see. But where did you spend the night before?"  
  
David winced in agony. "With Phoebe and Mike. You see, they--they had pity on me since I had no place else to go. They gave me the couch while they slept in the bed and promised not to have sex in front of me."  
  
"What?! That's--ugh!" Ross could imagine how awful that night must have been.  
  
Wretched and heartbroken, David started to break down. "Just--just the fact that they were together, snuggling on the heart-shaped bed, with the m-mirrors on the ceiling..." Phoebe had specifically asked for this romantic room when she and David checked into the hotel. To find himself replaced by Mike so quickly was unbearable torture.  
  
Although Ross didn't know David that well, he went to hug him and hand him some tissues. "Oh my God! Why didn't you guys just tell me? I would have let you stay here with me."  
  
"No, it--it was the night before your big speech. You didn't need me keeping you up all night with my crying."  
  
Ross felt horrible and squeezed his shoulder sympathetically. "I'm really, really sorry, David. So very sorry. If I had known--"  
  
David shrugged sadly. "It's--it's just the way my luck's been going lately. My research failed, I lost a toe to frostbite, and I--I lost the love of my life." He sighed heavily. "And now I have to take back this pathetic ring."  
  
Ross glanced at the engagement ring and noticed how tiny the diamond was, but unlike Chandler, he didn't comment on it. He was reminded of the time when his own life started to fall apart--losing his wife Emily, his apartment, and his job in quick succession. Ross hoped that David wouldn't start showing signs of mental instability. "Wow, uh, you--you really were serious about proposing to her, huh? After only a few weeks."  
  
"It wasn't only a few weeks. Not to me. I've been in love with her for eight years, and now, finally it seemed like our timing was right, and I just wanted to make sure that we'd be together forever. But then that--that Mike guy had to come back and ruin everything! What does she see in that guy? Why couldn't she just forget about him?"  
  
Ross shrugged. "I don't know. Between you and me, I think he's boring. I mean, I spent one night trying to get to know him, and we had nothing to talk about. At least with you and me, we could talk about science stuff."  
  
David nodded. "I guess--I guess she must've started thinking of me as just a friend, like you, Ross."  
  
"Maybe. Look, David, when we're back in New York, why don't I put you in touch with some physics professors at NYU? If they can't get you a job, at least you can make some friends or find somebody to date."  
  
David wasn't keen on dating again, but he appreciated Ross's gesture. "Thanks. That's, that's nice of you."  
  
"The least I can do. Come on, we've got to get ready to go, or we'll be late."  
  
"Okay."  
  
***  
  
At the airport, everyone gathered for the flight home to New York, and the atmosphere was tense and uncomfortable, due to all the couple swapping. Charlie stood in a corner, pointedly ignoring both Joey and Ross, while David did the same with respect to Phoebe and Mike. Kate Miller couldn't come to see Joey off, but Joey still talked about her to Monica and Chandler, and was very excited.  
  
Leaving Mike for a moment, Phoebe came over and told David, "Mike has to wait for a standby flight, so I'm gonna stay and fly back with him. You'll be all right?"  
  
David tried to put on a brave face for her. "Yeah. I'm fine. Ross is gonna try to get me a new job at NYU."  
  
"Oh really? That's great! Good luck." She made a mental note to thank Ross for this kindness. He really was a great friend.  
  
"I-I guess this is goodbye, then."  
  
She nodded and squeezed his hand. "Goodbye." After a hesitation, she leaned in to kiss his cheek.  
  
Mike cleared his throat behind her. It was bad enough that Phoebe had insisted on him staying in the hotel room with them that one night, but did she have to keep touching him too?  
  
David closed his eyes and couldn't help whispering, "If you ever leave him--"  
  
"No, no," she interrupted quickly. "Shh. I'm sorry, David. But it was great what we had, you know."  
  
David let go of her reluctantly and turned away.  
  
Phoebe went back to Mike and they left the gate together, calling out "See you later" to the others.  
  
David sunk down on a chair again and tried not to cry in public. Charlie finally stopped pacing around and sat down beside him. "So you got dumped too?" she asked.  
  
David nodded.  
  
Charlie said angrily, "You know, Rachel even lied to me and said that Phoebe was the one who had a crush on Joey. And Ross lied to me about being married only once. If you ask me, those two deserve each other!"  
  
David wasn't really listening.  
  
Charlie vented more of her frustration and disappointment, then the flight began boarding, so the whole group got up and got on the plane. Ross and Rachel sat together, then Monica, Chandler, and Joey. On the other side of Phoebe's empty seat, David and Charlie sat together.  
  
Charlie sighed and said to David, "Anyway, enough about me. Why don't you say something, huh? Come on, get it all out about Phoebe. It'll make you feel better."  
  
David shook his head. "Nothing could make me feel better. Nothing but Phoebe dumping Mike and coming back to me. She already chose him over me before. Why did she have to do it again? Why?"  
  
"She picked him before?"  
  
David nodded and explained how the love triangle extended back months earlier, when he'd come back from Minsk. "I-I couldn't stay with her then, so of course she chose him. But I thought this time, when I was back for good, she'd pick me."  
  
"When did you guys first meet?"  
  
"Eight years ago, at the coffee shop. She was the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen. She's still--still--" He choked up, and Charlie patted his arm comfortingly.  
  
"Wow. Eight years. That's a long time."  
  
David sighed. "I never should have left for Minsk, but she told me to go, and I loved her for it, and if we had just known each other a little longer, I would have asked her to come with me, or write me, or call me. But I didn't, and I tried to just focus on my work and my colleagues, but I could never forget Phoebe. She was so amazing and incredible, especially after her rough life. That a woman like that could want to be with somebody like me, even for just a little while... But I knew it would be stupid to think that she wouldn't find somebody else to be happy with; I should just let her go like she let me go, but I couldn't. When I finally got the chance to come back to New York a couple of years ago, I didn't want to intrude on her life, but I thought if I could just get a glimpse of her and find out if she was happy, I could learn to let her go. But then she saw me and she remembered me and she wanted to see me. We had this wonderful night, and it got all my hopes up. I thought she loved me like I loved her, and if I could just work harder on my research and finish it, then I could come back to her and we could be together. But it never worked, and I might as well have not come back at all."  
  
David broke down into tears, and Charlie hugged him, so moved by his story that she forgot about her own romantic disappointment. She frowned. "You know, you--you almost sound like Ross, explaining why he loved Rachel so long and why he wanted to get back to her now."  
  
"Yeah," Joey said. He had stopped talking about Kate and turned to listen in to David. Joey moved over to the empty seat and touched David's shoulder comfortingly. "It's like me and Kate almost. It's like... soul mates."  
  
Monica and Chandler also turned to look at David, and the irony was not lost on them that most of the couples that had reunited in Barbados were soul mates who had pined for each other for years, not the mere months that Phoebe had spent away from Mike.  
  
Monica bit her lip and regretted her decision to meddle in Phoebe's love life. Mike had never seemed this heartbroken about Phoebe, and even his recent proposal looked like some last ditch effort like Richard had made before Chandler's proposal.  
  
Seeing his wife's guilty look, Chandler shrugged and said, "Two out of three ain't bad." Ross and Rachel. Joey and Kate. But not Phoebe and Mike.  
  
Monica sighed and wished she knew what to do. 


	6. Moving On

At the airport, Phoebe and Mike were having a dispute.  
  
"I just don't see why he had to spend the night with us," Mike said irritably. "If he had to ruin any couple's night, why couldn't it have been Monica and Chandler, or Joey and Charlie? That was a couple that didn't need any more sex."  
  
Phoebe was exasperated. "Chandler was the one who convinced him to propose, and Monica was the one who called you. David certainly didn't need reminders of that. As for Joey and Charlie, Joey doesn't have the self-restraint to keep his hands off a pretty woman in his bed, no matter who's nearby. Just ask Chandler, who slept in the next bedroom for years. Besides, I was really worried about David. Just because I'm not in love with him doesn't mean I stopped caring about him. He's the sweetest, gentlest guy you'd ever meet. Like Ross, only not boring."  
  
Mike sighed. "I still think your excuse about him not staying with Ross was silly. Ross could have comforted him, then got some sleep. I mean, those two get along so well, they could be buddies or brothers. They could be the next Joey and Chandler."  
  
Phoebe shrugged. "Well, they could still be friends now, especially with Ross helping David out with his career. Would that make you jealous, him still hanging around with Ross, and having the chance to run into me?"  
  
"I would think he'd want to avoid being around you, so he can get over you."  
  
"You're probably right." Phoebe frowned with regret. "If only Ursula was nicer. I'd fix David up with her and hope that he could be happy."  
  
Mike raised an eyebrow and glanced at Phoebe, but said nothing.  
  
Phoebe continued speculating. "Oh, maybe Bonnie! She liked Ross, and now she's growing out her hair again."  
  
***  
  
The gang arrived in New York, and Joey volunteered to comfort and hang out with David for a while, since Kate wasn't expected for a week. Ross made arrangements to introduce David around NYU as promised, and helped him take back the engagement ring.  
  
Then Phoebe and Mike came home as well, parting with a kiss to their separate apartments. After unpacking from the trip, Phoebe dropped by Ross's apartment to say hi and ask a question. "Hey, do you think you'll have time this weekend to help Mike move in with me?"  
  
Ross looked up from changing Emma's diaper. "Oh, you're doing that again?"  
  
"Yeah. We're not getting engaged yet, you know, so we're just going to live together and see how much closer that gets us to marriage." She crossed her fingers for good luck.  
  
Ross nodded. "Well, that--that sounds like a plan." He cleared his throat. "Um, but are you sure about it this time, Phoebe? Because we don't want to lug his couch up the stairs only to have you guys changing your minds again."  
  
She laughed. "Yeah, I know. No, we're really sure this time. No backing out."  
  
Ross hid his disappointment and shrugged. "Okay. Well, actually we'll need your help too. Rachel and Emma are moving back in here. I know it's only across the street, but with the way Rachel packs..."  
  
Phoebe smiled and nodded. "I know!"  
  
"So any help would be appreciated." Ross then changed the subject. "There's, uh, something else I wanted to ask, Pheebs. You don't mind if I spend some time with David, do you? It's just, we have so much in common, you know."  
  
"I know," Phoebe said. "No, it doesn't bother me. I mean, it's not like we broke up because he was cheating or shooting birds or something. In fact, I meant to thank you for helping David at NYU."  
  
"Oh, that's no problem at all," Ross answered. "Even if the physics department don't like him, he can always talk about his time in Minsk with the Russian professors. Or see Charlie."  
  
Phoebe blinked. "Charlie?"  
  
Ross watched her reaction carefully. "Yeah, Charlie got to talking with him on the flight home, and they decided to start dating."  
  
"Dating?" Phoebe swallowed. "So soon?"  
  
Ross nodded. "Of course, it will probably be a rebound fling for both of them, but Charlie could at least make him more confident and get him to see that there are other women besides you." He smiled innocently. "We're trying to get him over you as soon as possible, so you won't have to worry about him."  
  
"Oh." Phoebe frowned. "I, um, I appreciate that."  
  
"You're welcome." Ross chuckled, "Anyway, you better leave now, because he's coming over soon. I'm gonna show him my Science Boy comic, which I think will cheer him up, as long as I don't mention how you mugged me for it."  
  
"Right. I'll--I'll go, I guess." Phoebe walked out, in a daze.  
  
Ross picked up Emma and remarked to her, "I think David has a shot after all. That was definitely jealousy, and I'm certainly the expert on that emotion."  
  
Rachel got back, carrying a box of her stuff. "Hey, sweetie! I tell you, I am getting so good at packing, I bet it will only take me a couple of days to move this time!"  
  
Ross laughed and came to kiss her. "I can't wait to have you back here."  
  
"Me too!"  
  
***  
  
Phoebe went to Central Perk and sat down at the counter, wondering why she was so jealous about David dating so soon. She'd been talking about setting him up with somebody too. Why should it matter if it was Charlie?  
  
*Because she isn't blonde,* Phoebe realized. *Because she isn't like me.*  
  
Gunther saw Phoebe's blank stare and asked, "You all right?"  
  
Phoebe blinked. "Huh? Yeah. I was just, um, thinking up a new song."  
  
"Oh," Gunther said. "You really should sing here again, Phoebe. Mike's long gone, and now you have that David guy, and I know he loves to hear you sing."  
  
(When Phoebe dated Mike, she started singing a lot at his piano bar. After the break up, she was too depressed to sing, until she started performing outside Monica's restaurant a couple of months later.)  
  
Phoebe frowned and corrected him. "I, um, I got back together with Mike."  
  
"You did?" Gunther was confused.  
  
Phoebe nodded. "Yeah, on the Barbados trip, Mike came back to stop David from proposing to me."  
  
"Oh! I'm sorry, I didn't know."  
  
"It's okay. So how--how do you know that David loves to hear me sing?"  
  
"Well, that's how he met you. You were singing about your mom's suicide and he was at that table with his friend Max."  
  
"You remember that?"  
  
"Only because he kept telling the story to me over and over when he came back here a couple of years ago. You know, when he showed up after New Year's and wasn't sure if he should intrude on your life. He kept asking me if you were seeing anybody and if you were happy and if you still sang here, because he wanted to be here when you came. I wasn't sure what I should tell him, in case he was some kind of stalker."  
  
Phoebe shook her head. "No, he's more like a sweet, shy, hopeless romantic. Like you with Rachel."  
  
Gunther blushed. "You know about that?"  
  
She nodded. "I'm not blind. She is, though. Rachel's too used to every guy falling for her, so she can pick and choose who to ignore and who not to."  
  
"Yeah," Gunther frowned and felt pathetic. "I know I should have moved on a long time ago. It's just, I bought her cat and Ross's old furniture. I thought she'd come to visit."  
  
"Gunther, you wanna meet a friend of mine named Bonnie? She's fun and she can really help you to come out of your shell."  
  
"No, I don't really--"  
  
"Oh, and I'm sure she'd love that hairless cat. Might even buy it from you."  
  
"Really?" Gunther started to look interested. The cat hissed "Rachel" a lot, but it was scratching the hell out of his apartment.  
  
Phoebe wrote down Bonnie's number for Gunther, then headed upstairs to ask Monica, Chandler, and Joey to help with the move.  
  
Then she returned to her apartment, trying to just concentrate on her relationship with Mike and forget about David. 


	7. An Old Flame

[For those who thought that Joey's love for Kate came out of nowhere, here is some reminder of what their romance was all about.  
  
(And yes, I DO know that events moved quite fast in the first few chapters of this story, with so many characters having sudden realizations of their feelings. The rushed couple-swapping was deliberate, though; I never usually go at that breakneck pace in my other stories. It's just that I've noticed how the Friends writers can also resort to hasty, unrealistic plots on the show--such as Ross proposing to Emily after knowing her for *six weeks* and planning the ceremony in only a month, purely for the convenience of having a London wedding for the season finale.)  
  
To me, Joey's development of feelings for Kate (over the weeks of rehearsals for their play) was far more convincing than anything in the Joey/Rachel storyline, and I'd like to think that he's just revisiting and expanding on these old feelings instead of abruptly having a new, hopeless love for a different person entirely.]  
  
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Joey went to pick up Kate from the airport, and he surprised her at the gate with a bouquet.  
  
"Oh, flowers!" She kissed him and hugged him close. "You're so sweet."  
  
Joey lingered in her arms, then said cheerfully, "Come on, let's get your bags." After stopping at baggage claim, they got into a cab and headed back to Joey's apartment. He couldn't wait to have her at home with him. Thank goodness that Rachel had moved in with Ross at such a good time.  
  
"Are you sure it's not too soon for me to move in?" Kate asked as they came upstairs with her luggage. "I mean, we just got back together, Joey, and I could stay with some friends, like I did last time I was in New York."  
  
Joey had missed her so much, though, and he insisted, "No, no, I want you as close as possible." He put his arm around her and gestured at Monica and Chandler's door. "Besides, it's easier for you to meet all my friends."  
  
She shrugged and knew how much Joey wanted to include her in his group. "Okay, you talked me into it."  
  
"Great!"  
  
After Joey let them inside the apartment and set down her bags, Kate looked around for a vase and noticed the birds in the living room.  
  
She gasped. "Oh! You still have these guys? Hi there!" She put down the bouquet on the counter and came over to kneel by the birds, who greeted her with curious clucks and quacks. "Hey, I thought the chick was a she?"  
  
Joey smiled and put the flowers into a vase. "Well, he turned out to be a rooster. I guess me and Chandler were wrong to name him Yasmine."  
  
Kate laughed and said, "I remember that you used to come to the theatre all the time with stories about how the duck was picking on the chick because of its size, and he had to have a time-out in the hallway." She pet the rooster and said to him, "I guess you don't have that problem any more, huh?"  
  
Joey watched them happily, having been unsure whether Kate would really bond with the birds, or would hate them the way that Monica and Rachel did. So Joey joined the group on the floor and asked Kate, "You like them, huh?"  
  
"Yeah." She chuckled as the duck stretched out his neck and wings to show off his bigger size, while the rooster crowed and scratched at the floor to assert that he was the head bird and more worthy of attention.  
  
Joey smiled and gave her a handful of bird feed to offer them. "Fighting over you already! They must like you."  
  
Kate shrugged. "At least I make a good first impression with somebody you know! Are you sure Chandler's not gonna follow us around and be suspicious whenever I do anything that's even a little bit bitchy?"  
  
"I'm sure." Joey pulled her close and kissed her affectionately. "I talked to him about the whole thing, and he promised to be nice. It's just, you know, he wasn't used to me getting all emotional and upset about a girl, 'cause I'm always the one dumping girls and not caring about it." Joey was perfectly honest with Kate about his womanizing ways; since their first all-night conversation, they had learned to talk openly about everything with each other. (It was understood, of course, that they would both try to reform themselves in order to be together.)  
  
Kate asked, "He's really protective, isn't he? Even though he knows you've broken plenty of hearts yourself?"  
  
"Yeah, I know!" Joey nodded at the irony. "I've had so much sex that he kind of tunes it out, I guess; it's just, since I never really liked a girl before you, he thought of me as lost and out of my depth. Which I guess I was."  
  
"I was pretty lost too. You were the first guy I liked who wasn't like Marshall--you know, some arrogant, over-intellectual jerk. I couldn't help wanting you and sleeping with you, but then I thought it had to be a mistake. You weren't my type at all."  
  
Joey nodded and remembered. "Yeah, after you stayed with Marshall, Chandler kept telling me that I was better off without somebody as snobby as you, and I should give up trying to impress you. But I was so crazy about you that I wouldn't listen to him. Then you and me had that great talk after opening night, but you left for L.A. the next night, so Chandler thought that you only raised my hopes again just to crush me and leave me."  
  
"I didn't mean to do that!"  
  
"I know. That's just the way he saw it back then. He said that I was naïve, and you were only nice to me that one night because I was making you feel better after those awful reviews."  
  
"Oh, sweetie!" She kissed him apologetically.  
  
Joey nuzzled her neck and said, "I like you calling me 'sweetie'." He liked this feeling of have a girlfriend now, one who meant something to him and who would hopefully stay this time so he could enjoy this feeling of connection and closeness.  
  
Kate sighed. "Boy, the way Chandler describes it, I do sound like a real bitch! I'm sorry I didn't treat you better, Joey; I should have given us a chance while we had time. It's just, I was younger then, and dumb, and pretentious, you know?"  
  
"You're not dumb," Joey interrupted. "You're smarter than anybody--maybe even Ross."  
  
She smiled and shook her head. "Not about dinosaurs, I'm sure! No, I mean, I was so... so know-it-all and blind. I kept trusting that Marshall knew what he was doing 'cause he was so over the top with his genius attitude. I was sure that *Boxing Day* would be my big break, and I just ignored the weird spaceship ending that made no sense. I thought it was some kind of symbolism or something that I didn't get." She laughed at herself. "Boy, those opening night reviews sure woke me up!"  
  
Joey shrugged, for he still had fond memories of the review that said "Mr. Tribbiani is not the worst thing in this production."  
  
Kate stroked his hair fondly. "And you were so great, Joey! Nothing like Marshall. He dumped me after the bad reviews, but you walked me home and said all these nice, wonderful things. You were just so perfect."  
  
"Perfect?" Joey was skeptical. He'd been called a lot of things--most of them synonyms for dumb or slutty--but never perfect.  
  
She nodded and smiled, laying her head against Joey's shoulder. "You are, Joey. Trust me, I've met all kinds of phoneys and Marshalls in L.A. They made me wish that I'd stayed here with you. Remember how we got so drunk that night and never even had sex 'cause it was so great just talking and learning all about your sisters and your Dad's mistress and everything. It was the second best night of my life."  
  
"What was the best?"  
  
"Seeing you again in Barbados."  
  
He smiled and kissed her warmly.  
  
The birds had finished eating the bird feed and were now noisily pecking at and investigating Kate's luggage.  
  
"Oh, we better get those!" Joey and Kate got up to grab the bags.  
  
As Joey helped her take the bags to his room, he asked her, "Hey, Kate, you wouldn't mind living with the birds, would you? 'Cause they don't have to stay here, if you think you can't stand the rooster crowing in the morning or whatever."  
  
She glanced at him. "Oh no, that's all right, Joey. I don't want you to get rid of these guys for me. If I had any problem like that, I could get used to it or go stay at another apartment."  
  
"No, no!" Joey said, "It's no problem, 'cause they're just visiting right now. They haven't really lived in the apartment for a while."  
  
"Really? Why not?"  
  
Joey shrugged. "Well it started out because Rachel was pregnant, you know, and she got sick whenever the birds were around, so I had them stay on my sailboat for a while. Then Rach moved back in with Ross for about a year, but sometimes she would come by and still couldn't stand the smell if I even had the birds over here for a bath. (Actually, I think it was also because she and Monica have always been irritated by the birds; they once tried to bet us into getting rid of the birds.)"  
  
"Oh, my!" Kate's eyes widened. "And I thought they were your friends!"  
  
Joey nodded. "I know! But me and Chandler sure showed them! I'll tell you the story some other time. Anyway, when Rach moved back here after a big fight with Ross, she didn't think it was safe having the birds around Emma, so I've been paying this guy who keeps pigeons on the roof to take care of them lately. I just wanted to have the chick and the duck meet you right now, but if you don't mind it, maybe they could stay this time."  
  
"Oh, I don't mind at all," Kate said. "I'll bet these poor birds have had enough of moving around so much, and they don't need another woman coming in and complaining about them. They're adorable, just like you."  
  
Joey smiled and kissed her lovingly, then they went to unpack. 


	8. Waiting is the Hardest Part

At David's apartment, there was a knock on the door, so the physicist reluctantly got up to answer it. "Chandler?"  
  
He smiled and presented his peace offering. "Hey, Monica made this lasagna for you."  
  
"Oh, uh, thanks. Come in." He took the lasagna to the kitchen, while Chandler followed him.  
  
"So what are you doing tonight, Dave?"  
  
"David," he corrected.  
  
"Oh, so I guess Davie the Science Dude is out of the question too."  
  
David sighed and knew what was going on. Despite what Ross had told Phoebe, David had been turning down dates with Charlie and other women that the guys had tried to fix him up with. Instead, he spent most nights moping at home. "Don't bother, Chandler. I really don't need you to baby-sit me. I'd just rather be alone right now."  
  
"No! Come on, can't a couple of guys hang out anymore?"  
  
"Like we hung out when I was dating Phoebe?"  
  
"Hey, you just haven't gotten to know me yet, David. I make fun of everybody, especially my close friends."  
  
"Well, we're not close friends."  
  
"But we could be! I mean, we already have stuff in common. You lost a toe to frostbite, and I lost a toe to a Thanksgiving knife incident."  
  
"What?!"  
  
Chandler smiled. "I'll tell you the story over some beers and lasagna."  
  
After Chandler told the whole story, he noticed that David looked more depressed than ever. "Hey, scientist guy! What, did you lose your sense of humor in Minsk too? That's supposed to be a funny, humiliating story."  
  
David slumped in his chair. "It reminds me of Phoebe."  
  
"How? I didn't mention her! We never even met Phoebe back then."  
  
"But you met Monica for the first time. You got the love of your life. I didn't."  
  
Chandler sighed. "Well, I only got Monica eventually! Only after she turned me down a lot of times and I lost body parts. Look, David, I really don't know for sure if Phoebe's going to come back to you or not. None of us do. But you have to learn to cope without her. If it's meant to be, it will happen, but you can't force it or hurry it up."  
  
David sighed sadly. "It's just so hard. I've already been waiting eight years."  
  
"Yeah, so? Ross loved Rachel ever since high school, but even he knew that he had to move on with other women--like Carol, Julie, Bonnie, and Emily. Two of those were marriages, which means that sometimes he could seriously picture his life without Rachel. You have to face the chance that Phoebe could be gone for good, which means that you can't keep turning down these dates we arrange for you. Do you really want Mike to have the satisfaction of stealing your woman and reducing you to a bitter, lonely old geek who sits at home and thinks up ways to shoot Mike through a particle accelerator until all his atoms are smashed to bits?" Chandler gestured at the numerous doodles on David's coffee table which sketched out this scenario.  
  
David frowned and started to see Chandler's point. "If I--if I get a really hot date, can I bring her to Mike's piano bar and flaunt it in his face?"  
  
"Absolutely!" But then he wondered whether he should have consulted with Monica or the other guys before giving this advice.  
  
***  
  
Bonnie met Gunther at Central Perk for their date. Her hairstyle was currently only a little bit longer than Gunther's, but she remained as outgoing and sexy as ever. Like Phoebe, she had a soft spot for shy, sensitive geeks, because she believed that such guys had plenty of repressed passion underneath the surface, and she wanted to release it.  
  
"Hi," she smiled. "Gunther, right? I'm Bonnie."  
  
"Oh." Gunther became nervous because he didn't realize that Phoebe would set him up with someone so attractive and obviously out of his league. He felt the same kind of tongue-tied awe that Rachel usually inspired in him.  
  
Bonnie thought Gunther was cute, though, and touched his arm to put him at ease. "You speak Dutch, right? Phoebe said that you might teach me some *bad* words." She spoke this in a sexy and suggestive voice, and her eyes sparkled with interest.  
  
Amazed that she was being so friendly, and even flirtatious, Gunther cleared his throat and signaled to one of the waitresses that he was leaving for his date now. It was almost unheard of for Gunther to leave Central Perk for any reason besides going home or getting his hair dyed, though he did get the occasional party invitation from one of the six friends who always occupied the orange couch.  
  
Bonnie still held onto his arm and stroked it fondly as they left together and walked to the movie theatre. "So your roommate worked with Phoebe at the old massage place?"  
  
"Uh, yeah. Jasmine. She moved out, though, when she got married."  
  
"Oh, right. You know, Gunther, it's funny that you and me didn't meet at one of Phoebe's birthday parties before, but then there's always so many people she knows, either from massage or yoga or just around. Oh, and I was so into Ross for a while that I had no eyes for anybody else. Do you how it is when you see someone who's really cute, and you get this mad crush on them?"  
  
Gunther nodded. "Yeah. Yeah I do." Wow. That really made him feel better, that hot people like Bonnie could also have crushes on people out of their reach.  
  
Bonnie continued chatting. "You know, I heard that Chloe from the copy shop liked Ross too, and she even said to him, 'It's okay if you're married,' just 'cause she wanted him that bad. Me, I waited until after he and Rachel had been split up for a while, but it still didn't do me any good because he dumped me for her. I thought Rachel was cool, but she stabbed me in the back by making a move on my guy! Huh! And according to Phoebe, Ross and Rachel had a stupid fight and ending up breaking up again! Can't those two make up their minds?"  
  
Gunther agreed.  
  
They had a pleasant time at the movie, but Bonnie, in her sexually aggressive way, kept touching Gunther a lot as they sat together in the dark theatre. Gunther was admittedly turned on, but felt rather rushed, since he was just trying to get over Rachel. Yet what was the harm in making out with her, if he had the luck to be with such an attractive woman? It would at least end his long spell of moping around like a loser.  
  
Before he knew it, the movie had ended and Bonnie said they should hurry and go back to his apartment, which he agreed to, in a daze. With lustful kisses, Bonnie was clearly ready to jump him right there on his living room couch.  
  
But Gunther's cat hissed "Rachel" and ventured forth from its velvet pillow to investigate the stranger in its territory. Bonnie turned and looked at the cat in surprise. "Oh, hey! It's one of those hairless cats. Those are so cool. How'd you afford one?" She often thought about getting one herself, to complement her sometimes bald head.  
  
Gunther shrugged and caught his breath. "I just, um, I bought it from Rachel after she said she couldn't take care of it anymore. It was scratching her a lot." Actually, he had overpaid for the cat, never able to say no to Rachel.  
  
As if on cue, the cat again hissed "Rachel" in its evil tone, and Bonnie chuckled. "Wow! A cat that hates Rachel as much as I do. What's its name?"  
  
Gunther tried to remember. "Uh, Mrs. Whiskerson, but I mostly just call her Snake. That's what I thought she was at first."  
  
Bonnie laughed even harder and kissed him. "You got a great sense of humor. Come on, let's go to your bedroom and get out of her way." Bonnie got up from him and half dragged him into his room.  
  
They had an incredible night of passion, and for once Gunther didn't stay up late fantasizing about Rachel. Bonnie completely exhausted him and he fell asleep with a smile on his face.  
  
[to be continued... I'm not sure yet how serious or frivolous Gunther and Bonnie will be, so opinions would be welcome.] 


	9. Total Commitment

The rooster crowed at dawn, waking up quite a few people in the apartment building. Fortunately, Joey's neighbor across the way had never minded the noise, and he simply began crooning his usual "Morning's Here" song.  
  
Kate groaned and used a pillow to cover her ears. She didn't know that the rooster would be *that* loud.  
  
"Sorry, honey." Joey kissed her head softly and hugged her. "I'll put some sound proofing in their room today." (The rooster and the duck were living in Chandler's old bedroom, where they slept in adjoining cabinets.)  
  
Kate grunted and rolled over, trying to get back to sleep despite the continued crowing.  
  
Sitting up, Joey looked out of the window behind his bed, and he waved at his neighbor.  
  
The singing man stopped to smile and comment, a little too loudly, "Hey, your rooster's back!"  
  
"Shh! Kate's trying to sleep." Joey pointed down toward his bed, which the neighbor couldn't see unless he leaned rather far out of his window. Not that he ever had that much interest in seeing who Joey was sleeping with.  
  
"Oh. Sorry."  
  
"It's okay." Joey leaned out and spoke softly to him, "It's just her first morning hearing the rooster. Let's just keep it down for today, until I can fix things up for her, okay?"  
  
Joey's neighbor shrugged. "Okay. But your rooster's back?"  
  
"Yeah." Joey nodded happily. "Him and the duck. Kate said she didn't mind them moving back here."  
  
Since when did Joey's girlfriend have a say in where Joey's birds lived? Joey had only listened to Rachel's complaints since she was his roommate, and Joey knew better than to argue with a hormonal pregnant woman (or a new mother).  
  
"Well, have a good morning, then."  
  
"You too. See you tomorrow." Joey waved again, then went back inside and closed the bedroom window, while the other man went back to singing and getting ready for his day.  
  
Because the rooster had finished crowing, Kate managed to fall asleep again, so Joey pulled the pillow off her head and stroked her hair fondly. He loved to watch her sleeping. He could remember how, after the first night that they made love and she fell asleep in his arms, he stayed awake for hours, thinking how beautiful she looked.  
  
After Kate left and Joey greeted his friends the next morning, Ross had remarked that Joey seemed drunk, which was almost true; he was drunk with happiness. Being with Kate now brought back such great memories.  
  
But there were painful memories too. Such as when Kate rejected him afterward, claiming that she had only been caught up in the moment and that the sex meant nothing to her. She was going to stay with Marshall and pretend that nothing had happened.  
  
Joey had been so hurt and disappointed, but no matter what Chandler said to him about it, he still couldn't give up on Kate. Not after that night in her arms. Joey kept obsessing about her, trying to find some way to get her attention and win her over. If he just wore the right cologne or went to the restaurants she talked about or introduced her to his friends who were smart, maybe Kate wouldn't think he was too dumb for her. Maybe she'd see what a jerk that Marshall was.  
  
Of course, it wasn't until the opening night of the play that Joey finally had a breakthrough with Kate. After he walked her home from the theatre, she passed out drunk on her couch, and Joey decided to stay and watch her sleep again. When she woke up later, they finally talked through all their feelings and discussed their families and why they had this pattern of bad choices in romance. Kate finally realized that book smarts had nothing to do with whether a guy had a good heart and the ability to genuinely love. And Joey had realized that he did want to settle down, but only with the right woman, one who could make him forget that anyone else existed.  
  
If only Kate had stayed instead of going to L.A. the next night! They had lost so many years and there was so much catching up to do. Joey still felt guilty for having forgotten her and transferred his emotions to Rachel for a while, as if trying to relive and recapture the warm, aching feeling that Kate gave him. At least everything had been sorted out now.  
  
Joey was excited to have a second chance with his first love, and he intended to do everything he could to make Kate happy. He wanted to wake up with her from now on.  
  
***  
  
Phoebe had been living with Mike for a few days, and they were still adjusting to it. They played "Monica and Chandler" a lot, with Phoebe bossing Mike around and telling him to pick up his socks and such.  
  
She even used the line, "No, we're not having sex anymore!" the first couple of nights, and he just laughed, knowing that they were both too tired anyway. After the gang helped them move Mike's stuff from his old apartment, they had to unpack a lot of boxes.  
  
Also, Phoebe kept trying to decide how to rearrange the furniture to accommodate Mike's furniture, but she couldn't decide what to keep and what to throw away.  
  
They ended up moving the furniture around several times until they just collapsed onto both the couches wearily.  
  
"Let's work on the feng shui later, okay?" Mike suggested, leaning against the cushions and closing his eyes.  
  
"Okay," she said, still looking around and wondering why she couldn't find the right balance in the room, no matter where she put Mike's stuff.  
  
While Mike napped, Phoebe lay on her green couch and sighed. She found herself thinking about David again. David probably would have tackled this like a physics problem, drawing diagrams and sketching out a plan that made optimum use of the space in the room. Of course, the romantic side of him would probably also be willing to just sweep the plans off the table and kiss Phoebe passionately.  
  
Phoebe frowned and told herself not to think about that. "I'm with Mike now," she thought. "Besides, David's probably all happy with that Charlie and her Ph.D. and her 'I date brilliant, intimidating professors, except for Joey' snobbery. She probably thinks that dating a failed physics professor is something wild and different too. Hmph! David may not be intimidating, but he's sweet and loving and earnest. He couldn't even yell at Mike when he showed up at Barbados; he's just too much a gentleman. David's like what Ross would have been if Carol hadn't set free his streak of paranoid jealousy."  
  
Shaking her head and glancing at Mike with guilt, Phoebe realized how far her thoughts had strayed, so she repeated firmly to herself, "David's just a friend. Just a friend, like Ross. And, and if David's got a lurking streak of jealousy somewhere inside, then I'm better off without him, right? Right?" She frowned with a realization. "But if David's Ross, and I'm Rachel, shouldn't we be lobsters?"  
  
Phoebe swallowed and felt very worried, but before she could start berating herself, the phone rang, and she hurried to find it, so that it wouldn't wake Mike up. Looking around all the boxes and extra furniture, Phoebe finally found Mike's cell phone and answered it.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Where's Mike?"  
  
"He's sleeping now. Can I take a message?"  
  
"Just tell him to call his girlfriend back."  
  
"What?"  
  
The unnamed girlfriend abruptly hung up, and Phoebe sank down on the couch, deeply shocked.  
  
to be continued... 


	10. Mike is a Wank

**The title of this chapter comes from the season 10 premiere, in which Phoebe finds out that Mike has a girlfriend. Phoebe herself admits that Mike is a "wank", yet she stays with him anyway! It infuriated me that he had gone from being merely a boring guy to being an outright liar and cheater, but she didn't care. That incident sealed my hatred for Mike and my loss of respect for Phoebe.**

**If you don't remember, in chapters 5-6 of this story, I had David stay an extra couple of nights in Barbados and Mike argued with Phoebe about that. Thus, Mike never told Phoebe about his girlfriend on the plane ride home, as in the episode. So now, let's resolve the cliffhanger from chapter 9...**

Phoebe shook Mike awake and demanded an explanation. "Your girlfriend just called your cell phone! What girlfriend?"

"What?" Mike was shocked, but then he sat up and realized who she meant. "Oh no!"

"You're damn right, 'Oh no!' Who is this girl?" She threw his cell phone at him.

He ducked the phone, then rushed to apologize. "N-nobody, Phoebe. Nobody! It's all a big mistake. That's just my ex-girlfriend. My ex, I swear! I can't believe she's still calling me and claiming that we're still together. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry."

"Oh. I see." Phoebe calmed down at last. She could certainly understand how hard it was to let go of an ex, especially with her feelings of jealousy about David. "Well, um, all right. So why didn't you tell me about this before, Mike? It's not exactly reassuring to get a call like that out of the blue."

"I know, and I'm sorry. I just thought it wasn't worth mentioning. I've been trying to get my cell phone number changed, but it hasn't gone through yet, and I was also kind of hoping that by now Precious would just accept things and move on--"

"Precious?" She wrinkled her nose in disbelief.

Mike nodded and looked slightly embarrassed. "Yeah, that's her name."

Phoebe didn't know whether to laugh or comment on the cruelty of parents who would name their child Precious. She shrugged and said, "Okay, fine. But what are you gonna do about her then?"

"Um, I guess I'll try to dump her again, but if she still won't leave me alone, I may have to get a restraining order against her."

Phoebe chuckled and patted his head patronizingly. "Oh Mike! Thinking just like a lawyer."

"Why? What would you do?"

"Well I'd go to a psychic and put a curse on her. Yeah, maybe some kind of amnesia spell so that she'll forget your name and phone number."

Mike laughed at her amusingly quirky beliefs. "Better include the names and phone numbers of my siblings and parents too. They've told me that she's been harassing them lately too."

"Oh, she knows your family too?"

He nodded. "Yeah, um, I actually met her through my sister, and I've brought her to dinner with my parents a couple of times. Kinda hard not to, when we were dating for three months."

"Three months?" Phoebe asked. "Whoa, that's a long rebound relationship. Hey, wait a minute! You and me were broken up from, like, February to May. Did you start dating her, like, the _day_ after we broke up? Or even the day after we had bonus sex?"

"No, no, it wasn't like that, Phoebe. You see, my parents were really pressuring me to go out with some rich socialite girls that they knew, and I was trying to dodge them by going on a blind date that my sister set up for me. Going out with Precious was just convenient for a while, and I wasn't really over you." He squeezed Phoebe's hand and smiled. "She's blond, just like you, and she was so cute and quirky too. It was like having a Phoebe-patch."

Apparently he thought that this was some kind of flattery, so she dismissed the creepiness and put a positive spin on it. "So, um, it's like when I was an Ursula-patch for Joey, and for Ursula's stalker Malcolm."

"Sure. Only I didn't get over you after all. That's why I came to Barbados when Monica called me."

"I see. Well, did this girlfriend of yours know that she was just a Phoebe-patch? And for three months?" It still seemed like a long time to Phoebe. After all, she had been dating Mike for five months before their breakup, and at that point, they were going to move in together.

Mike said, "Well, I did warn Precious that you were the love of my life, and I was on the rebound, but she seemed okay with it. She said that everybody has baggage, and at least it wasn't as scary as what I had with my ex-wife."

"Huh, that actually sounds rather sensible and healthy," Phoebe mused. "I guess this girl only turned crazy and stalkery after you dumped her."

Mike nodded and sighed. "Yeah, she thought by that time that we were getting serious, and it came as a shock when I broke up with her." He shook his head with regret. "Precious just took it really hard, especially since it was her birthday."

"Her birthday? You should have waited until a better time to dump her. Maybe then she wouldn't have gone nuts."

"Normally I would have waited, Phoebe, but I thought I better end it right then, before my date with you."

Phoebe stared at him. "What?"

"You know, that was the night after we came back from Barbados."

"Wait, wait! After Barbados? You broke up with her AFTER Barbados? You mean you were still seeing her up to and including that Barbados trip?"

Mike could sense that she was getting upset, so he explained, "I didn't know before I got to Barbados whether you'd take me back or stay with David. And then when you did take me back, I couldn't exactly dump Precious over the phone from Barbados. That would be just as bad as dumping her on her birthday."

"I know!" Phoebe kept glaring at him. "I get that. But why didn't you tell _me_ that you had a girlfriend back then? How come you didn't let me know that, technically, you were cheating on her with me?"

He shrugged, not seeing her point. "I don't know. I just forgot about her, Phoebe. I was just so happy that you picked me and weren't gonna marry that scientist guy. Everything was crazy then, you know? I went to Barbados without thinking, without a ring or a plan or anything."

"But you should have told me, Mike! You could have told me at dinner when we first got back together, or in bed that night, or the next day during the ping-pong tournament, or the next night, or any time since then. But no, you don't tell me about this until almost two weeks later when she's stalking you by phone!"

"I'm sorry! I-I thought it would spoil the mood in Barbados, and I wanted to enjoy our romantic weekend."

"The romantic weekend was already spoiled when I let David stay in our room instead of sending him to bunk with Ross. You complained about that, too. 'It's not healthy to let an ex linger around like this,' you said. 'It should be a clean break,' you said. You hypocrite!"

"I'm not a hypocrite! Precious wasn't my ex yet. Come on, it's not like I lied to you, Phoebe. I just didn't tell you because it wasn't important; it was a moot point. I was going to break up with Precious as soon as I got home from Barbados, and I did that."

She remained furious. "You--you lawyers with your smooth talk and your legal terms! If you don't tell me something, it's just as bad as lying to me. And you did worse to that poor Precious girl, who--who probably flipped her lid because you used her, cheated on her, and dumped her on her birthday."

"Phoebe!"

"Shut up! You're just a lying bastard and a cheater! No wonder your ex-wife divorced you and got all freaky too! I never wanna see you again! How's that for a clean break?"

She then ran out the front door and slammed it, intending to go find David and apologize to him. As for Mike, maybe she would ask her friend Silvie how to curse a guy and "turn his thingy green."

Mike just sat there stunned and rejected, wondering how everything had unraveled so quickly and suddenly. He looked around the apartment sadly, then he muttered to himself, "So I guess I'm moving out again."


	11. Meddling Intentions

**I've made significant revisions to chapters 1-3 (and soon 4), to flesh out the Joey/Kate and Ross/Rachel scenes. It's to lessen the haste and to increase the depth of the romantic developments.**

Meanwhile Ross was at home, going through the NYU faculty directory and marking all the attractive, available women that he knew.

Rachel came back after putting Emma down for a nap, and she joined him on the couch. "What are you doing?"

"I'm still trying to find somebody to fix David up with."

"Oh, right. Chandler finally got him to agree to go a date?" She yawned and remembered being a bit tired and distracted while Ross was on the phone with Chandler last night.

Ross nodded. "David mostly just wanted to spite Mike by going to his piano bar with a hot date. I also think it would be good if we made sure that Phoebe was there at the same time, and then she could get jealous when she saw David with someone else."

Rachel said, "That sounds cruel, Ross. Do you really want to do that to her?"

Ross frowned and considered her point. "Well, I-I thought it would help her to realize whether she still has feelings for him or not."

"But I think she should come to that conclusion on her own, Ross. Certainly not during an uncomfortable, public confrontation. That would be humiliating and heartbreaking."

Ross realized that she was right. "Oh no! I-I hadn't thought about it like that before. Poor Phoebe."

Rachel nodded and sighed. "Yeah, and the more I think about it, Ross, I'm not sure that you guys should be trying to push David into dating so soon. I mean, it's only been a couple of weeks since Phoebe dumped him. Let him have some time. I doubt he's even through Phase 1 yet."

Ross berated himself. "I've been so insensitive! I've pushed him and nagged him, when he didn't feel ready!" Tossing down the faculty directory, Ross groaned and felt like he'd been an ass, focusing so much on his plan that he forgot the emotions of the people involved.

Rachel hugged him and kissed him sympathetically.

Ross leaned against her shoulder and said, "It's just--just that I feel so sorry for him, Rach, because he reminds me of what I went through after London, you know? Divorcing Emily, losing my apartment, and my job. I-I felt really pathetic and directionless, and I even got crazy over that Thanksgiving sandwich! Meanwhile, Emily was off getting engaged after only three months, and getting married again three months later! It really hurt. I'm worried that David's feeling just as hopeless after seeing Phoebe return to Mike. I don't want him to suffer like that."

"I know, Ross! I remember how manic you were that year. I mean, you were feeling so low that you even dated Janice for a while!"

"And I whined so much that I annoyed her, and _she_ broke up with me!"

Rachel patted his arm. "Yeah, I know, honey. I do understand why you feel so bad for David; I feel bad for him too. But I just don't think that playing matchmaker is really going to help him at all. There are other ways to be there for him. I mean, you already helped him with his career, and returning the engagement ring. That's good, right?"

"Yeah." He squeezed her hand. "But I just worry about him getting lonely and mopey when he's at home by himself."

"Then don't let him be alone. Maybe--maybe invite him to your poker nights with Joey and Chandler, or start drawing a new Science Boy comic with him, or whatever. I think that would help him cope."

"You're right," Ross said. "I guess having him date some trophy girl out of spite isn't exactly healthy."

Rachel nodded and laughed. "Hey, remember when we both kept trying to spite each other with dates? You ended up being some woman's babysitter, and I ended up with a college kid stealing money from me."

Ross chuckled and shook his head. "It was so childish of us, wasn't it?"

"It was!" She nuzzled him, and they hugged and kissed again.

Before Ross could call Joey and Chandler to nix their matchmaking plan, however, the front door opened, and Phoebe came rushing in, crying.

"Pheebs! What's wrong?"

She sat down on the couch and said, "I-I broke up with Mike--"

"Oh! What happened?" Rachel moved closer and took her hand.

Phoebe waved her hand dismissively. "No I don't care about him. He's a lying bastard, and I'm throwing him out! No, I-I want to see David."

"David?" Ross spoke up with interest.

"Yeah, Ross, you've got to help me! I realized what a huge mistake I made, and I almost went straight to David's apartment, but then I remembered that he's dating Charlie now." She cried more fiercely. "So--so, Ross, tell me what I should do. How serious is he with Charlie? Is he really happy with her? Has he slept with her?"

"I, um," Ross hesitated, feeling bad about his earlier lie. He hadn't realized that Phoebe would be so hurt. "No, no he hasn't. He's not... anything with her."

"They broke up?" Her tears subsided a little, and she asked with new hope, "Do you think David will forgive me after what happened in Barbados? Would he take me back, or be offended?"

"Oh, Pheebs," Rachel said and felt quite sorry for her too.

Ross clarified, "They--they were never dating, Phoebe. They did talk on the plane, but I lied about David going out with her."

"What!" Phoebe glared at him furiously and demanded to know just what David had been doing since Barbados, then.

"Getting a new job and returning the ring, and then just moping at home. Me and the guys tried to fix him up with some women, but he wanted to be alone. He missed you."

Phoebe was touched by that, but still outraged at Ross. "Why would you lie to me like that! That's a terrible thing to do!"

"I'm sorry, Pheebs! I-I just meant to help him. I thought it would make him look less pathetic to you, and you might feel jealous enough to come back to him."

"Oh! You shouldn't manipulate people like that! I'd kick your ass, but I want to go see David right now." She started to get up.

Rachel stopped her, though. "Wait, Phoebe, are you just doing this on the rebound from Mike? You shouldn't go to David just to spite Mike."

"I-I'm not."

Ross asked, "Are you sure, Phoebe? He doesn't need his heart toyed with and broken again."

"I-I wouldn't do that to him! I love him."

"Then why did you dump him so quickly for Mike in Barbados?"

"Because Monica told me not to accept David's proposal, and she called Mike, and he showed up, and--Oh!" She gave up in frustration. "Why did any of you ever have to meddle in my life! And--and you just said that you wanted me to go back to David, so that's what I'm gonna do! But after that, don't any of you do this again!" She then stormed out and slammed the door, crying again.

* * *

Across the street, Joey and Kate came over for dinner at Monica's place. Chandler still felt a little cold and suspicious of Kate, but at least she had not objected to letting the rooster and duck live at the apartment again. For Joey's sake, Chandler strove to be polite as they waited in the living room for the other friends to arrive.

Monica asked, "So, how was your day?"

Kate smiled, "Oh, it was all right. It's been a long time since I was in New York, and I had to get my bearings again. Then of course, Joey took me to work with him and gave me a tour of the set. He even tried to get me to audition for a little part on _DOOL_, but I decided not to."

"Why not?" Monica passed some appetizers to her.

Kate looked at Joey rather significantly, then she said with a shrug, "Well, um, when I found out that Joey had slept with a large number of the interns and extras there, I decided I would rather go out and find work on my own."

"Oh!" Monica was rather embarrassed, while Chandler choked on a cracker and coughed loudly.

Joey was concerned, and he came closer to pat Chandler's back and try to clear his throat of the cracker. "You all right?"

Monica also gave him a glass of water, and soon Chandler was able to breathe freely.

"You okay now?" Joey remained near him.

Chandler nodded and said, "I'm fine. I-I was just--just surprised." He glanced at Kate.

"What do you mean?" Joey asked. "You already know that I've slept with a lot of the interns on the soap."

"_I_ know," Chandler said, "but Kate didn't. Why would you tell her something like that, Joe?"

Kate interrupted, "Oh, he didn't have to tell me. There was some backstage gossip that I heard on the set, and I got the picture pretty quickly."

"Really?" Monica asked. "And you're okay with it?"

Kate answered, "I'm not okay with working there and actually seeing the women, but other than that, why should it bother me?" She shrugged pragmatically. "Joey wasn't cheating on me. It's been over six years since we were last together, and I've been with a lot of guys in the meantime too."

Joey nodded and put his arm around her again. "But not anymore. We're together now."

She smiled and kissed him fondly. "Yes, we are."

Chandler cleared his throat and took another sip of water.

Joey then grabbed another appetizer and asked, "Hey, Chandler, do you think you could help Kate get an audition?"

"I'm not an agent," Chandler protested.

"No, but you're working at that advertising agency, and you did that commercial for those shoes that were on fire. Could you maybe recommend Kate for a part?"

"Oh, I don't know if anything's really coming up..."

"Chandler!"

Before they could get into an argument about it, Ross and Rachel suddenly arrived, which made everyone look up.

"Hey!" Monica went over to greet them with hugs. "There you guys are! Did Emma's nanny run late?"

"Um, a little, but something else happened."

"What?"

Rachel announced, "Phoebe broke up with Mike!"

Ross added, "And she's going back to David!"

The others gasped and murmured in confusion, and Kate asked who Mike and David were.

"Oh!" Ross and Rachel finally noticed her and apologized for not introducing themselves. "Sorry."

"It's okay. Nice to meet you."

They exchanged greetings, then Ross suggested, "Um, why don't we tell you guys all about this over dinner? Phoebe's obviously going to be late."

"Right."

"Okay."

So the group sat down at the kitchen table and began to eat. They took turns explaining to Kate how Phoebe first met David eight years ago, and how he left for Minsk. Then David's original three-year experiment got extended considerably, though he visited New York a couple of times for scientific conferences. Then they covered Mike's history with Phoebe, and the love triangle, and the events in Barbados.

"Oh my!" Kate said, while Joey squeezed her hand.

Ross and Rachel then detailed their conversation with Phoebe that afternoon, and told them how upset she had been about their meddling.

"Wow. So she's over there trying to make up with David now?"

"Yep. We still don't know why she broke up with Mike, though. Phoebe said something about him being a liar."

"Do you think we should go ask? Is he still at Phoebe's apartment?"

"I don't know."

"She said she was throwing him out, but it's going to take a while to pack his stuff and move out all his furniture."

"Yeah."

"Maybe she'll want to stay with one of us until he's gone."

"Or she might stay with David."

They all ached with curiosity, hoping that Phoebe or David would call them soon and let them know what happened.

Monica served dessert, and to distract themselves from the suspense, they started chatting about Kate's day and asked how she was adjusting to living with the birds. Joey also suggested that they all tell the story of the trivia game and the apartment switching. So they did that, but still kept looking at the clock and thinking about Phoebe.


	12. Double Dates

David the physicist answered a knock on his door and was startled to find Phoebe on the other side. She was crying terribly, so he threw away his caution and greeted her with concern. Chandler and the other guys had told him to be more aloof the next time he saw Phoebe, so that he could pretend to have moved on, but David couldn't help being sincerely sympathetic to her now.

"Phoebe! What's wrong?" He let her in and retrieved a box of tissues while she sat down.

"Oh, David, I-I'm so sorry about Barbados! I was so cold and cruel! I mean, letting Mike barge right in to our dinner, ignoring your proposal, grinning like a fool when I dumped you, and--and making you stay in the room with us! And God, calling you Mike all those times!"

"No, no! No, let's not talk about that, Phoebe." David frowned and sat apart from her, feeling not only uncomfortable but also disappointed. She had apparently only come in a fit of guilt to apologize for her recent offenses. He didn't want her pity; he wanted her love. He wanted her.

"But, David--!"

"No, don't. Please. I'm fine."

She wiped away her tears and looked at him hesitantly, trying to read his emotions. "You're really fine? You're not mad at all?"

He was hurt, certainly, and still bitterly furious at Mike, but David just shrugged and adjusted the glasses on his face. "It's--it's all right, Phoebe. I understand. You--you weren't over him. I mean, the two of us, we only had maybe a couple of months together in eight years. Why should I think that I could just pop back into your life?"

"Oh, but David, they were wonderful months! I thought about you for years, and I always wished you could come home from Minsk for more than just a day."

"Well, I-I finally did come home, and it did me no good." He looked away and tried not to let the pain show.

Phoebe leaned closer and spoke softly, "David, when we were saying goodbye at the airport, you said, 'If I ever leave him.' Did you mean that? Would you take me back?"

David looked up in surprise, almost not daring to hope that her question was more than hypothetical. "Wh-what?"

She told him, "I broke up with Mike today. I made a horrible mistake. Can you forgive me and take me back?"

Overcome with joy, David nodded vigorously and hugged her and kissed her.

"Oh, David!" she cried and clung to his arms happily.

When he caught his breath again, he pulled back and asked her worriedly, "Wait! Are you really sure this time, Phoebe? I mean, you've picked him over me twice already." He was afraid of Mike waltzing in again and stealing her back.

"I know, and I'm sorry!" she said. "But I love you, David. I do love you. I got so jealous and upset when Ross told me that you were seeing Charlie."

"I wasn't."

"I know."

He met her eyes. "And you're really over him now? You're not going to keep calling me Mike or anything?"

"No! No, I swear, David. I've acted like a fool. I-I was just so desperate lately about getting old and never settling down. I wanted to get married and be some soccer mom."

"I wanted to marry you!" he pointed out. "And you're not old, Phoebe! You're beautiful. You're wonderful."

"Oh!" She kissed him again. "I love you, David!"

"I love you too." They sighed and held onto each other tightly, cherishing the moment.

* * *

Phoebe didn't call the others that night, but the next morning she came over to Monica's to tell everyone that she was back together with David.

"Oh great!"

"So everything turned out okay?"

She nodded and grinned broadly. "Yeah, we spent _all night_ making up!"

"Ooh!"

Phoebe then turned to Joey. "Oh, sorry I didn't come over to meet Kate. I forgot about dinner in all the fuss!"

"It's okay. You're here now." He introduced Kate to Phoebe, and they exchanged friendly hellos. Joey suggested, "Hey, maybe you guys could get to know each other over lunch? Pheebs, you could even do your fake agent thing and help her get an audition."

"Oh, okay," Phoebe said. "What kind of stuff are you looking for?"

"Wait," Monica interrupted, "You can discuss that later. All of us are dying to know why you broke up with Mike."

"Oh, 'cause I don't love him."

"That's all? Rachel said that you said something about him lying."

"Oh, that! Yeah, that bastard! I have to see my friend Silvie later, and get her to help me put a curse on him!" Phoebe then explained to them all about the phone call from Precious and the ensuing fight.

Breakfast soon ended, as a lot of them had to go to work, or look for work. Monica decided to call Ross and Rachel (who were home with Emma) and tell them the news.

* * *

Joey and Kate went on a double date with Monica and Chandler that night. Kate was having better luck finding work, and she also said that she had a great time with Phoebe.

Kate laughed. "She was so funny, doing the fake voice on the phone! And everybody completely bought it! I told her that she could be an actor herself, doing impressions and voice work. Then she said that she already had a job where she acted on the phone, but she didn't like saying 'spank' so much!"

They all laughed and talked about Phoebe's weird history.

"So how did she ever get off the streets and become your roommate, Monica?"

"Oh, she didn't go into much detail about it, but she told me that she had a chance meeting with her grandmother here in New York. Phoebe had gone missing for so many years ago, and never been found, so her grandma thought that she had been dead all this time. They were very happy to get back together, and Grandma paid for Phoebe to learn how to massage and get a job at a parlor."

"Oh, that sounds so sweet! I love happy endings."

"Well, it wasn't completely happy, because Grandma also tried to get Phoebe to make up with her twin sister Ursula, but they still didn't get along after all those years."

"That's a shame! Why?" Kate felt that siblings were precious, and that petty disputes ought to be set aside for the sake of familial bonds. When Kate's own brother had died years ago, it was quite a blow, and she grew closer to her other brother as a result.

Monica explained, "Well, Ursula isn't a very good sister. She was always lying to Phoebe and breaking her stuff and keeping secrets, like about their mother's suicide note and their birthmother."

Joey said, "I dated Ursula too, and she blew me off after we had sex. She even gave away the birthday present I got her! I think I told you about her before, Kate."

Kate had to think back and remember one of their all-night conversations. "Oh! I forgot. There's so many women that you've told me about, Joey. Um, didn't you got into some fight with Phoebe about it?"

Joey nodded. "Yeah. At first Phoebe said it was okay, but then she changed her mind and got mad at me. But Phoebe was really nice in the end; she even pretended to be Ursula and broke up with me, so that I wouldn't keep wondering what happened."

"Aww!" Kate was touched by what a good friend Phoebe was. "Well, I guess Phoebe does have serious reasons to be mad at Ursula. Still, I would hope that someday Ursula might apologize and make up with her."

Joey shrugged. "I'm not sure that she'll ever learn her lesson, though. Ursula always acts like she never cares when she hurts somebody."

"It can't be hopeless. I mean, you learned your lesson, didn't you?" Kate said with a smile.

Chandler was rather offended by that remark. Did she have to keep harping on Joey's past like this?

Joey just smiled and held her hand. "Yeah."

Kate kissed him lightly and murmured, "I did too."

Chandler nearly scoffed with disgust, but Monica kicked him under the table. He settled for just picking at his food and shaking his head.

* * *

Meanwhile, Mike reluctantly moved out of Phoebe's apartment and went to stay with his sister. Phoebe was happy, and began singing at the coffeehouse again while David looked on admiringly. She got to a song about her birthmom that he hadn't heard yet, and after she finished, David asked whether he could meet Phoebe Sr., because he'd been curious ever since she told him the story of what she found out in Montauk.

"Okay, I guess I could call her, and we could drive out there sometime."

"Good. Also, did you say that you had met your father too?"

"Um, yeah, at my grandma's funeral. He tried to apologize, you know, but if he was so horrible at being a father, then why'd he go and get married again to Frank Jr.'s mom? And why'd he run off from them after 14 years? That was his second chance to do things right, but he just messed up again."

"That is sad. So you drifted apart again?"

"Yeah. It's sort of like with me and Ursula, you know, just avoiding each other. But, um, you could always come with me to visit my stepdad in prison."

"Sure. Maybe we could swing by and see your brother upstate, too." He also invited Phoebe to meet his family, though they didn't live in the area.

When they visited Frank and Alice's house, the parents were rather tired because their five-year-old triplets were such a handful. Phoebe offered to babysit more, but Frank and Alice thought she meant right now, so they disappeared upstairs for a nap.

"Uh, sorry, David."

He took it in stride. "It's all right. I wanted to meet your family. Here's three of them right now!" He played with the kids, and Phoebe got out her guitar and sang songs to them.

* * *

Since the chick and duck were back living in Joey's apartment, Chandler liked coming over to visit his old pets, and when alone, he even asked them their opinion of Kate.

"Are you sure he's not rushing into it? Come on! She's been gone six years, but he decides to have her move in right away!"

The birds replied--or so Chandler interpreted their nonverbal cues--that at least Kate liked them and didn't feign allergies.

Deflated, Chandler returned to the other apartment and tried to persuade Monica to accept the birds. "Come on, please! Why can't they visit sometimes? I mean, it's only fair. I-I let you bring that dog back here on Thanksgiving despite my--my allergy."

Monica rolled her eyes and finally relented. "Oh, all right, Chandler! But you have to clean up after them, not me!"

"Of course! I cleaned up after them for three years! I even gave them baths in the tub."

"Fine," she said with an irritable sigh. "Just don't bug me about it anymore."

"Okay. Thanks!" Chandler grinned happily at having finally won a fight. "I knew I could wear you down!" He felt like celebrating.

Monica said, "I'm not doing this for you. I'm doing it for Joey and Kate."

"Huh? What do you mean?"

"I mean, Joey loves the birds like you do, and other than the crowing, Kate doesn't mind the birds much, so we might as well try to get along." She looked accusing. "What with you giving her the evil eye constantly, I don't want us to come off like we're unfriendly or mean. We have a hard enough time finding a couple to go out with as it is."

"We have couples to go out with, like Ross and Rachel!"

"Ross and Rachel have a baby, so they can't go out as much as they used to. And even when they do bring Emma along, it--it just makes me ache with jealousy." She glanced miserably at the huge pile of paperwork that they had to fill out for the adoption agency. "And we'll still have to wait months, or a year, to get a baby."

Finally seeing her point, Chandler sat down and hugged her. "We'll be all right, Mon. Or maybe if we keep trying, we'll have a miracle baby like your mom did."

"I hope so," she whispered, laying her head on his shoulder.

After a pause, he asked curiously, "About couples--what about Phoebe and David?"

She shrugged. "They live farther away, and I don't think he liked your sarcastic jokes the last time we hung out. Maybe you'll win him over later, but right now they're too wrapped up in getting back together. Besides, don't you like Joey more?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I do." That was why he was having so much trouble accepting Kate. He feared that Kate would drop the niceness eventually and turn into some heartless, lying bitch like Ursula, or herself six years ago. Chandler worried about Joey all the time.

* * *

Gunther was still having a hot fling with Bonnie, so for the past couple of weeks, she often showed up at the coffeehouse to hang out with him.

Ross and Rachel ran into them when going to the counter to order, and they felt rather awkward about the reunion.

"Uh, hi! I-I see you have hair again."

"Yes," Bonnie replied tartly, "And I see you have Little Miss Backstabber again."

"Hey!" Rachel started to protest, but then Bonnie picked up the hairless cat out of her tote bag, and it hissed, "Rachel."

"Whoa!" Ross and Rachel both backed up, shielding Emma from the cat too.

"By the way," Bonnie said to them, "Her name is Snake now. She doesn't miss you."

"I-I don't miss her either," Rachel replied. She still recalled having her arms scratched up by Mrs. Whiskerson.

Gunther softly warned Bonnie not to hold the cat too near the food and cups on the counter, but he still gave Ross a disdainful look.

"Okay, honey." Bonnie took the cat away and sat down at a nearby table. She was waiting for Gunther to get off work, so that they could take the cat to have its claws trimmed.

Ross then ordered coffee, to go, since they didn't seem very welcome here.

* * *

**When Phoebe first met Frank Jr., he was still in high school and the mother said that Frank Sr. had disappeared four years ago. If you want a more detailed theory about how Phoebe ended up on the street and how she got reunited with her family, then see chapter 16 of Naked Thursdays, at Forever Fandom.**


	13. Burying the Hatchet

Ross and Rachel took Emma upstairs to Monica and Chandler's apartment, where the rest of the gang were chatting.

"Hey!"

"What's wrong?" They saw the strained looks on their faces.

Ross put down their coffees and described their tense run-in with Gunther and Bonnie.

Rachel added, "That cat still hates me!"

"Wow." Phoebe reacted with surprise and concern. "So they gave you a hard time? Well, um, maybe I should go down and have a talk with Bonnie and Gunther."

"Will you kick her ass for me?"

"Rach! Bonnie's still my friend."

"Oh, right." Rachel sighed and sat down, cradling Emma on her lap.

Monica glanced at her with silent envy.

Phoebe stood up and went to the door. "Okay, I'll be back soon."

"Thanks, Pheebs," Ross said as she left.

* * *

Gunther was still busy serving customers, so Phoebe came over to Bonnie's table and greeted her.

"Oh, hi Pheebs!" She smiled cheerfully and invited her to sit. Then Bonnie lifted up the cat again to show her. "Isn't she cute? I always wanted one like this, but they cost so much money."

"Um, yeah. She's cool."

Bonnie affectionately pet the cat and talked in baby speech to it. "Oh, listen to her purr! She's the sweetest thing!"

"Uh-huh." Phoebe got to the point. "Look, Bonnie, I need to talk to you a minute. It's, um, about what happened with Ross and Rachel just now."

"What?" Bonnie finally put Snake back into the bag and rolled her eyes. "Oh don't tell me, the poor little princess cried her eyes out! Boo-hoo!"

Phoebe sighed. "That's just what I'm talking about, Bonnie. You have a grudge against her."

"So what if I do?" Bonnie shrugged. "She pretended to be all nice to me at the beach house, but then she stabbed me right in the back! She kissed Ross, and got him to dump me--"

"I know, I was there too. But it was six years ago, Bonnie. I mean, um, you don't still have feelings for Ross, do you?" She worried for a moment that Bonnie might be carrying a torch like she had for David, or Joey had for Kate. "Because that's not fair to Gunther."

Bonnie shook her head. "No, no I don't want Ross anymore. Especially if he preferred that spoiled bitch to me. He's got no taste at all!" She sighed. "But it's just, I thought she was cool, Pheebs, and that we might become friends. Besides, I'd thought that he and Rachel had moved on already. You even asked Rachel if she minded, remember?"

Phoebe nodded. "Yeah, they had started dating other people, but I guess they were still obsessed about each other. Like, on your second date with Ross, she was already panicking about whether you'd marry him."

"Marry him? I never even got as far as meeting his parents!" Bonnie answered. "But he was cute, and we were having so much fun, you know? She ruined it all. And then to find out from you that they didn't even stay together longer than a day after leaving Montauk--it was like I lost him for nothing!"

Phoebe understood. "I know, Bonnie. We were pretty frustrated with them too. They've been bickering and interfering in each other's love lives for years, you know. But now they're back together, and we're hoping that it'll stick this time, or at least that they'll have an amicable divorce for Emma's sake."

"Yeah, that poor baby!" Bonnie did have some sympathy for Emma, because she had heard stories from Phoebe about how incompetent and flighty Rachel was as a mother.

Phoebe said, "Well, she might get better with time, and Ross makes up for it. But anyway, Bonnie, I set you up with Gunther to help him come out of his shell and get over Rachel, not for you to start fights and run them out of here."

"I-I do like Gunther, Pheebs! He's cute and funny, and I love his cat too. I guess I just lost my temper when I saw those two."

"Yeah, but you should really let go of your grudge," Phoebe told her. "All this negative energy is, like, not good for your karma or anything. And you're not poisoning Gunther's mind and feeding his resentment of Ross, are you?"

Bonnie shrugged and looked guilty. "Well..."

"Knock it off, then! Come on, the six of us are his regular customers, you know. Do you really want to drive away Gunther's business?"

"No, I guess not. I'm sorry, Pheebs. I'll talk to Gunther too."

"Good. I mean, you don't have to be best friends or anything; just try to be civil and level-headed if you run into them again."

"All right, I promise." They hugged, and were soon interrupted by Gunther's arrival.

"Honey, I'm off work now."

"Oh good!" Bonnie kissed him and started to get up, grabbing the tote bag with the hairless cat in it.

Gunther smiled at Phoebe and thanked her for fixing him up. "She's so great!"

She smiled back. "I know, and you're welcome!"

"Bye!" They waved to Phoebe as they left together, arm in arm.

* * *

When Phoebe came back to report success, Ross and Rachel were happy and grateful for her help. Feeling more relaxed now, they now told everyone about their plans for Emma's first birthday party.

To their surprise, the gang grumbled about the party. They had already made other plans for work or dates on that night.

Rachel was offended. "What? How could you forget your own niece's birthday?"

"We didn't forget," Chandler said in their defense. "We just weren't expecting a big party like this. We thought you'd do something low-key and private just for you guys. I mean, Emma's too young to understand what's going on at a party, so what's the point?"

"The point is to make nice memories," Ross said. "Come on, we'll videotape the whole thing so that Emma can watch it when she gets older."

The friends shrugged and reluctantly agreed to change their plans.

Joey asked, "Can I bring Kate?"

Chandler resented that question. She wasn't even related to Emma! She'd only been here a couple of weeks!

Monica caught his reaction and hushed him. She muttered that they had planned on having a double date anyway, and besides, Monica could use the company of someone who'd never had a baby there.

Rachel just answered Joey's question with "Sure," and Ross added that Phoebe could bring David too.

Then they told everybody the time of the party and who else would be invited. Jack and Judy Geller had agreed to come, but the other grandparents had declined because Leonard and Sandra Green still couldn't get along even all these years after their divorce. They weren't even willing to make an effort to be civil just for an hour or so.

* * *

It was good that Joey had invited Kate, because she reminded him in time that he needed to bring a birthday present for Emma. So they went shopping together, and Joey cooed over all the adorable baby merchandise, even the infant stuff that Emma had already grown too big for. Kate watched him with amusement and said that the gang had told her stories about how he cooed over the baby chick like that too.

Joey chuckled. "Yeah! She was so cute and fluffy and chirpy--I mean, I guess that's why I thought the chick was a she, not a he. Ooh! Look at the little booties!"

Kate laughed and marveled at how Joey somehow retained a sweetness and purity, despite his not-so-innocent treatment of women over the years. That was one of his charms.

At the party, too, Monica was glad to have Kate around, especially when Ross and Rachel made everyone say sentimental messages on tape for Emma. Monica tried to be cheerful and keep the heartbreak out of her voice, but as soon as Ross turned the camera to someone else, Monica escaped to the bathroom with Kate, who comforted her.

"It's not fair!" she cried softly. "They even stole the name I wanted for my baby, but now they make me stand there giving Emma my best wishes, when I'm trying to adopt and don't know if I'll ever have a baby!"

"Oh, Monica." Kate hugged her sympathetically. "I'm sure they don't mean to be so insensitive."

Meanwhile, Chandler was glad to have some time with Joey, and they sat on the couch talking about the plans to make the guest room into a nursery. Joey had many suggestions of cute baby stuff that he had seen in the store, and he offered to help assemble any furniture.

The party went awry later when Rachel discovered that the cake she had ordered turned out to be an erotic cake. This sight caused both shocked gasps and amused giggles as everyone gathered around in the kitchen.

Joey was slower to grasp the problem, and he just stared hungrily. "Wow! That looks delicious!"

Phoebe burst out laughing, and Kate had to whisper a discreet explanation to Joey.

"What? No way!" he said, refusing to see the resemblance. "No, it's not! Phoebe and Rachel gave me a cake just like that, and it was just a microphone and two tennis balls."

Everyone then turned to Phoebe and Rachel, who looked guilty. They reluctantly explained that, back when planning Monica's surprise bachelorette party, they had ordered an erotic cake, but had to get rid of it after they found out that Monica thought such cakes were tacky. So they gave it to Joey, while lying to him about what it was.

Joey gasped and blushed deeply.

David wiped his glasses and couldn't understand Joey's blindness, if it looked exactly like the phallic cake before them. "I can't believe you didn't figure it out."

Phoebe grinned and teased, "You know, Joey--he'll eat anything!"

Joey slunk away in embarrassment, while both Kate and Chandler followed him. Joey went to hide in the nursery, but Kate and Chandler tried to get through the door at the same time, getting stuck.

Chandler pushed her and complained, "He's my friend."

Kate resisted and said, "He's my boyfriend."

"You weren't even there when they had the secret bachelorette party!"

"Neither were you!"

"No, I mean I--"

Joey sighed and turned around, getting irritated by their struggle. "Chandler, stop it!"

"Joe--"

"Come on!" He moved Chandler back from the doorway. Seeing Chandler's hurt look when Kate passed into the room, Joey suggested softly, "Just--just go back over there with Mon. Make some jokes about them! For me."

"O-okay." Chandler reluctantly turned to go, but he glanced back for a moment as Kate kissed Joey and spoke tenderly, "They're the ones that lied to you about the cake. Of course you'd believe your friends. You're so innocent and trusting."

_Yeah. Too trusting_, Chandler thought.

Back in the kitchen, Ross and Rachel debated whether to try to get a replacement cake, until Ross finally decided to grab a spatula. He used the edge to cut and rearrange the cake into an innocuous bunny. After a few more jokes from Chandler about how stupid Rachel was not to check the cake when she bought it, the party got back on track, and Joey returned with Kate.

* * *

**The "microphone and two tennis balls" cake was a running joke in the uncut DVD version of TOW Joey's Award. Also, in the season 10 episode with the cake, Joey thinks the cake looks more delicious in its phallic state.**


	14. For Better, For Worse

Time passed rather slowly while Monica and Chandler finished the adoption paperwork, prepared the nursery, and had a social worker do a "home study" on them. After they got approved and added to the list, all they could do was wait for a birthmother to like their profile and contact them for an interview. Even if they hit it off with the birthmother right away, there might be several more meetings while she tried to decide among many candidates.

It was very hard for Monica to be patient with this process, but Chandler did his best to soothe her. Reading about other options, he even suggested that if they wanted to speed things up, they could widen their search criteria to babies as old as Emma or of a different race. Or they could try to same enough money to do one of those foreign adoptions.

Trying to be helpful, and still believing that Chandler must have some Chinese blood somewhere in his background, Joey suggested, "Yeah, get a Chinese baby! They're so cute, and your last name would go perfect with it!"

"Joe, I'm not Chinese."

"You sure? Not even way way back?"

"No. No ancient Chinese ancestors."

Meanwhile, Ross and Rachel got along better with Bonnie and Gunther, who seemed to be getting serious, even getting piercings together. Phoebe and David were also happily celebrating milestones, like Phoebe's birthday.

Kate got a few jobs appearing in different TV commercials and even got a small part on a _Law & Order_ episode. Joey felt somewhat jealous that her scene didn't get cut out like his did, but he was happy for her success.

He also tried to make Chandler give up his rivalry with Kate, but only with limited success. Kate was growing closer to Monica, though.

* * *

On the Wednesday before Thanksgiving, Kate flew home to visit her brother in L.A., and she was staying the whole weekend, since she hadn't seen him in almost two months. That night, Monica was working late at Javu's, but she was going to stay home and host Thanksgiving dinner again tomorrow.

So Joey and Chandler ended up together at Joey's place on Wednesday night. They drank beers, watched TV, and hung out with the chick and the duck.

Chandler was happy, thinking that this was like the good old days.

Joey on the other hand was sad, already missing Kate and dreading the long weekend ahead. Leaning back in his recliner, he sighed and moped. "Man, I wish that I went with Kate to meet her family!" They had agreed to wait until Christmas instead, since Joey and his friends had a tradition of having Thanksgiving together.

On the couch, Chandler sat up and looked hurt. "Stop moaning about her! You're here with me! Why aren't you happy?"

Joey turned and looked at him gloomily. "I love her, and I miss her." He had actually told her "I love you" just last week, and she'd said it back, with that beautiful smile of hers.

Kicking the table, Chandler spoke spitefully, "I don't! I hope she stays in L.A. and never comes back!"

"Chandler!" Joey got mad now. "Stop it! I told you to stop being mean about her!" He couldn't understand all this hostility. "Why do you hate her so much, Chandler? She's not Janice! Monica and the gang like her just fine."

"I don't trust her! She treated you--"

"That was years ago!" Joey cut off the too familiar argument. "Things are different now, and we're happy. She even puts up with you all the time, because she loves me that much. Besides, Kate's the one who should be worried about whether to trust me or not, 'cause of all the girls I've been with."

"That's what she wants you to think, so she can lord it over you! But the truth is, that she was just as heartless to you as Ursula was, or worse!"

Fed up, Joey came over to the couch and shook him by the arms. "Chandler, stop it! Stop it. I've done worse to lots of girls, and you know it." When Chandler fell silent, Joey released his grip and sighed. Then Joey sat closer to him and said imploringly, "Come on, I love her, Chandler, and I want you to treat her nice. I had to put up with Janice when you loved her, you know."

He shrugged and pointed out, "Janice cheated on me eventually."

"Chandler!" he glared.

Chandler looked away and said nothing, kicking the table again.

"You loved her," Joey repeated, "so I had to fake liking Janice, and even go on that horrible Day of Fun..." He still shuddered at the memory. Then Joey put his arm around Chandler. "Well, I love Kate now, so you've gotta try, for me. Please."

"You love her," Chandler whispered, very upset. He looked at the floor and pouted. "You loved her even after she made you cry."

Joey stared at him and squeezed his shoulder. "Chandler, that's ancient history now. I forgive her. Why can't you let it go?"

Chandler shrugged and grimaced, glancing down again. He finally admitted softly, "I'm--I'm jealous."

"Jealous?" Joey blinked at him and wondered, not for the first time, whether Chandler might be gay.

Chandler gulped, knowing how that sounded, but he explained, "It's like I'm--I'm invisible whenever she's around, Joe. Like in Barbados, you just ditched me for her, and when I tried to tell you not to rush things, you just laughed at me and kissed her. And you pushed me away at the birthday party when we were in the door. And you let her play foosball with you, and give the birds a bath. And you're laughing and talking to her all the time, and lately you even--even said she was your best friend now."

"Chandler..." Joey leaned closer and touched his knee, finally understanding his pain and jealousy. "Look, this is--this is just like what happened when you got together with Monica, and you spent all that time with her, you know? And then you moved in with her and married her too. How do you think I felt, when you said she was your best friend? I missed you all the time. How come you didn't notice?"

"I know you cried, Joey, a lot. You even cried again when I went to Tulsa, and you missed me so much. I mean, maybe I couldn't cry or anything, but--but I missed you too. And I miss you now, Joe. I don't want you to go to L.A."

"It's just for Christmas," he said.

"No, that's just how it starts! Then you'll go for Thanksgiving and Christmas next year, and then you'll go for vacations and to film movies, and then you'll move out there for good. You'll call for awhile, but then you'll get caught up in Hollywood, and forget about me, and never come back. I-I don't want to lose you, Joe."

"Me neither." Joey pulled him closer and hugged him. "I wouldn't leave like that, Chandler. I'd always come back."

"But if she wanted--"

"I'd always come back and see you. Always. Don't you think I'd miss you too?" Joey sat back and met his eyes, touching his knee again. "Look, I don't want us to fight about this, Chandler. I don't want this to be like with Janine, you know? Please, can't you accept Kate? Can't you be happy for me?"

Chandler choked up and asked, "You won't leave me? You won't let her talk you into staying in L.A.? You won't forget me?"

"No! No, we'll always be together, Chandler. I promise."

The promise made him feel better, and he hugged Joey tightly. Chandler murmured, "Yeah, and--and someday we'll move to the suburbs together, and you'll be Uncle Joey to our kid, and you'll have an apartment over the garage where you can grow old."

"Yeah." Joey smiled and liked that picture. "But me and Kate should really have, like, our own house next door, 'cause we'll have kids too. And in the yard, we'll have a coop for the chick and the duck, you know?"

Chandler tried to get used to that change. He'd had the vision for years, and it was hard to revise. "We--we could take down the fence between our yards, and get a pool."

Joey laughed and nodded. "Yeah, with a sign that says, 'We don't swim in your toilet, so don't pee in our pool!"

"And, um, maybe you'll have a game room, Joe?"

"Sure. You can come over and play foosball all the time."

For a moment, they both grinned and imagined how perfect that life would be. But then the guys became aware of how much they were touching and how long they were hugging, so they blushed and let go of each other. Glancing away awkwardly, Chandler cleared his throat and said, "Goodnight," then returned to the other apartment.

"Uh, yeah. See ya tomorrow."

Joey then noticed that the chick and duck were looking at him rather oddly, so he told them dismissively, "No, I thought he was for a second, but he's not gay. Just jealous."

He got up and grabbed another beer, musing as he drank it. Many of their old fights as roommates had that inappropriate, couple-like tinge to them too. That was why people often joked that they were more than friends; the feelings ran so deep. And even after they weren't roommates anymore, there were times when Joey still got needy or possessive about Chandler. In fact, he had feared that he might lose Chandler when he got transferred to Tulsa, but thankfully Chandler had hated Tulsa and quit.

Joey could certainly understand Chandler's insecurity now, but he was happy that they'd finally reached an understanding about Kate. He picked up the phone and called her long-distance.

* * *

The next day, during Thanksgiving dinner, Chandler was happy to have the chick and the duck visiting, and he managed not to pout or complain whenever Joey stopped to call Kate.

Monica was somewhat on edge because of the birds, but Chandler kept his promise to watch them closely and clean up after them. However, she got jealous again when she saw Ross and Rachel attempting to feed Emma mashed potatoes. Monica moped, hoping and praying that they might get a phone call from a birthmother today, so that they'd have more to be thankful about. But they got nothing.

Chandler said, "It's too soon, Monica! We just started the adoption, and the agency is probably closed this weekend anyway."

She remained impatient and even made a wish on the wishbone. Still nothing.

The others also tried to comfort Monica, and Phoebe predicted that Monica would definitely have a baby soon. "If you don't believe me, then I'll take you to see my psychic. Oh, but she's not open on Thanksgiving. How about next week?"

Rachel said, "And until then, Emma loves her Aunt Monica!"

Monica burst into tears. She was tired of being an aunt. She wanted to be a mother.

Ross hugged her and reminded her that she might still have a miracle baby just like their mom did.

Monica was less optimistic, though.

Telling the others to give her a break and wash the dishes for her, Chandler kissed her and took her into their bedroom. He spent the rest of the weekend comforting her and even asked if she wanted to sign up to be foster parents, but Monica said that it would hurt even more to have a child on a temporary basis, only to say goodbye to it later.

When Kate came back from L.A. on Sunday night, she brought souvenirs for everybody. Chandler was finally nicer, telling her that Monica really needed a friend like her. Kate was surprised and really appreciated his words.

She hugged Monica, and gave her a present. "It's, um, a fertility idol thingy, to hang over your bed, you know, and help you get pregnant."

Touched, Monica thanked her and couldn't wait to try it. Kate then left to have some private time with Joey, whom she had missed a lot.

* * *

**In case it's not clear, this Thanksgiving included none of the plots from the episode about the baby beauty contest or the hockey game. Like anybody even cares about _hockey_ on Thanksgiving! It's either football or the parades that people care about.**

**I'm also changing the details of the adoption, because I couldn't stand the rushed, asinine way that the Friends writers handled the storyline. Monica and Chandler should not get special treatment, most especially not when they commit gross ethical violations like lying to the birthmother.**


	15. Till Death Do Us Part

**The Joey/Chandler scene in the last chapter was used to resolve Chandler's seething resentment and suspicion of Kate, which he's shown since chapter 4. They've moved on now, but I don't think it's wrong to show the depth of their friendship and affection. The show itself did lots of scenes and plots about their special bond in seasons 1-4, in the Joey/Chandler clip show in season 6, in Joey crying about Tulsa, and even in the brief "six moves" scene in season 10. It's always been there.**

**Anyway, the following theory about the Gellers' Jewishness is just my own speculation. I would call them "half-Jewish" or "part-Jewish" as Ross described Ben once, but Jewish tradition is that you're only Jewish if your mother is. So I'm guessing that it's more about their cultural and ethnic heritage, than religion.**

All through December, Kate made more time for Monica and helped with the Christmas shopping, the gift wrapping, and putting up decorations. "So you celebrate both Christmas and Hanukkah?"

"Um, yeah. Technically me and Ross aren't Jewish because our mother's not, but we were raised kind of half and half by our parents. We did have bar and bat mitzvahs, and Ross taught Ben about Hanukkah anyway. He hopes that he can talk Carol and Susan into letting Ben have a bar mitzvah too. He's got to start learning some Hebrew and studying soon."

"Have you thought yet about how you and Chandler will raise your kid?"

"Well, neither of us are very religious, but I think I would like to keep up some Jewish traditions for my dad."

"Yes, I like your dad. He was quite a hoot at Emma's birthday party!" Kate imitated him and chuckled. "'They thought it was a hate crime!'"

Monica laughed and was glad to have Kate cheering her up.

* * *

It was harder when Joey and Kate went to L.A. for Christmas. Chandler and Monica missed them both and called often during the week that they were gone. Joey and Kate had left Christmas presents with them before leaving, though, so they opened those along with the other presents under the tree.

Kate thoughtfully gave Monica a book with inspirational stories about supposedly barren women who still had babies, including the Biblical story about Sarah giving birth to Isaac. Inside the cover, Kate wrote a note, urging her to "Make good use of that mistletoe with Chandler!"

Phoebe also gave Monica some fertility and good luck charms, predicting again that Monica would have a baby soon. Ross and Rachel gave some used baby stuff for the nursery, but they could not stay long at the party; they planned to take Emma over to spend Christmas with Carol, Susan, and Ben. So far, Ben had been rather jealous of his half-sister, but the parents were trying to get him to like her and play with her.

Monica felt rather relieved to not have Emma around as much; so they got through the week of Christmas without incident, then she and Chandler picked up Joey and Kate from the airport.

"Hi!"

"Welcome home!"

They all hugged warmly, then retrieved the luggage and exited together. On the cab ride home, Joey and Kate chatted about their pleasant time with Kate's brother Adam, the pharmacist. He had a wife and two kids.

"You should meet my family soon," Joey said.

"Sure, but we should do it a little at a time. I think I'd feel too overwhelmed and intimidated by all the Tribbianis at once."

Chandler remarked, "His seven sisters are very hard to tell apart!"

"I know," Joey said with a pout, remembering the incident with Mary Angela. "You've still got three years to go, you know!"

Chandler blinked, and Monica said, "Joey! It's been seven years now."

"No, it'll be seven years on my birthday."

Kate squeezed his arm and changed the subject. "Honey, we should start making plans for your birthday. Do you want a party, or maybe just a dinner with your parents?"

Joey smiled, and they cheerfully discussed the possibilities, while Monica and Chandler relaxed.

At home, they greeted the rest of the gang, who thanked them for their presents. Then Chandler gave Joey and Kate the remaining boxes under the Christmas tree.

"Yay! It's like a second Christmas!" Joey grinned as he opened his presents.

* * *

At New Year's, when each person was saying his or her resolutions, David said that he resolved to spend even more time with Phoebe this year. He asked her, "Can we move in together?"

Surprised, she happily said yes, and gave him a big kiss.

When it was her turn, Monica wanted to make a resolution to have a baby this year, but she ended up crying because it didn't really seem within her control. The fertility idol hadn't worked yet, nor had they heard from the adoption agency in a while.

Everyone hugged her, and Phoebe said, "Don't worry! You'll definitely--"

Monica asked in frustration just how soon was "soon," and whether she meant that they would adopt a baby or have a miracle baby as everyone kept saying.

"Um, well, it's not entirely clear," Phoebe dodged her question. "I-I can't be more specific than that it'll be after the holidays.

"Which holidays?" Monica demanded. "It's already New Year's! Martin Luther King Day? Chinese New Year? Valentine's Day?"

Phoebe gulped and looked apologetic. "I'm--I'm sorry, Mon, but babies can really throw off psychic intuition sometimes. Like, my psychic predicted that I would have triplets, but she also said one of them would be black!"

Monica rolled her eyes and groaned.

Kate said, "Honey, just wait until tomorrow when the agency will be open again. You might get a call then. Also, you can take another pregnancy test soon, right?"

Monica sighed and nodded, trying to calm down as she mentally calculated her ovulation cycle again. "All--all right. I'll wait."

Chandler hugged her and brushed her tears away.

* * *

While Monica was anxiously awaiting the result of her home pregnancy test, the adoption agency called, saying that a birthmother was interested in them. Monica screamed and jumped for joy, nearly dropping the test stick.

Kate was still home across the hall and heard her, so she came across and listened with excitement as Monica made an appointment to meet the birthmother. Still gasping, Monica thanked the agency, then hung up and hugged Kate. Finally, she called Chandler to tell him the great news.

Kate called Joey too, who was thrilled, and they passed the news onto the rest of the friends.

So in another week, at the same time that Joey was having a birthday dinner with Kate and his parents, Monica and Chandler went to their first interview with a birthmother. Her name was Conchata Diaz, and she lived in Brooklyn.

The interview went fairly well, although Conchata seemed somewhat worried, asking them what religion they would raise the baby as. She really wanted the baby to get baptized and to know a little about its heritage.

"Oh, um, heritage is important to us too." Monica briefly told her about her Jewish background, but emphasized that they'd still celebrate Christmas.

"We have a Catholic friend too," Chandler added. "He's going to be the godfather."

Conchata smiled and felt better then. Saying goodbye, she told them that she would probably schedule a second interview with them in a month, because she had other candidates to interview also.

On the way home, Monica asked Chandler, "Why'd you tell her that Joey would be the godfather? What about Ross?"

"Hey, Ross already has Ben and Emma, without worrying about our kid too. Besides, remember when he said that I wouldn't get the baby if they died and you died too? He made me godfather to Ben years ago, when I was single, but suddenly I'm not good enough to raise Emma now?" Chander still resented that. "Besides, I think it will mean a lot to Joey, and Conchata seemed reassured when I mentioned him, too."

Monica sighed. "Well, I guess so, but we'll have to explain things to Ross, if it comes down to that."

* * *

For a few months, life was much more cheerful and hopeful for the gang. Monica and Chandler went on more interviews with Conchata, getting to know her. Phoebe and David were happy living together, while Joey and Kate celebrated their six-month anniversary with a trip to Atlantic City.

Ross made strides in improving Ben and Emma's relationship, while Carol and Susan agreed to let Ben study Hebrew, though they were still not sure about the bar mitzvah part yet.

Rachel was definitely improving as a mother, and she started looking for work at another company that would give her flextime or other benefits. Unfortunately, Rachel was at a restaurant with Gucci when she suddenly noticed her boss Mr. Zelner at a nearby table. Panicking, she was unable to discreetly hide or cancel the interview, so Mr. Zelner caught her and fired her.

She tried to talk him out of it, and say that she just was looking for a bargaining chip to get more flexible hours at work. Mr. Zelner would not budge, citing Rachel's inappropriate behavior with Tag and Gavin at work, and saying that she was not a team player.

Rachel went home and was very upset. Ross hugged her and said, "Don't worry, Rach. You'll find a new job soon. Is it possible to salvage that Gucci interview at all?"

"I don't know. I'll try."

The next day, when they packed up the last of Rachel's stuff from Ralph Lauren, they ran into Rachel's old co-worker Mark Robinson. He was working at Louis Vuitton now, and he knew of a job opening in Paris that Rachel could interview for.

Ross was torn. He did want Rachel to have a great job, but moving to Paris would be a huge change. He worried that Ben and Emma wouldn't get to see each other much anymore, and also, NYU had recently given him tenure. If he quit and moved, he would have to start all over at another university.

Rachel interviewed at Louis Vuitton anyway, just to see if they were interested and to figure out what kind of commuting deal she could negotiate. Maybe she could get something like Chandler's company had offered to him about Tulsa. She did not accept the job offer right away, of course, going home to discuss the options with Ross first.

Ross was still worried and unsatisfied, because they also had to take into account the long transatlantic flights and the jet lag eating into their time and energy. He asked Rachel to see what Gucci might offer first.

In the midst of this wrenching decision, there was more bad news. Conchata had picked another couple to adopt instead of Monica and Chandler. The other couple had a house in the suburbs, and the wife didn't work as long hours as Monica did at the restaurant.

Monica got very upset and said that they should buy a house too, but Chandler told her that there was no way they could afford a house right now, especially if Monica intended to cut back on her work hours. They didn't have enough savings, and Chandler still had a pretty low salary because he was only junior copywriter. He promised her that he would try to get a promotion and/or raise soon, but they would have to wait for another birthmother to get interested in them.

Devastated, Monica even yelled at Phoebe about her prediction being wrong, but Kate tried to calm her down. She said that maybe Joey could loan them some money or that Mr. and Mrs. Geller could give Monica and Chandler the beach house; maybe that would be a way to convince Conchata that the kid would have plenty of time away from the city. Monica didn't think she could get her parents to do that, though, and Kate said she would try to help.

The next morning, Monica realized that she was late for her period; she sometimes skipped periods when she was under stress, so she hadn't noticed it before. But now she decided to take another pregnancy test. And there it was, her miracle baby saying hello to her via the color on the test stick.

Everyone was wildly happy for her, but Ross had a bigger surprise for Rachel. He had convinced NYU to sponsor a paleontology dig in France, and he was going to be in charge and on location. Also, he had convinced Carol and Susan to let Ben spend the summer with Ross in France. Realizing that she could accept the Paris job now, Rachel kissed him and thanked him profusely. She was so excited that she even blurted out, "Marry me!"

Ross was stunned, then happy. "Well, you beat me to a proposal at the planetarium, Rach, but um, how about we still have our wedding in Barbados?"

"Yes!" Rachel smiled and chuckled.

Monica was somewhat annoyed that Rachel was stealing her thunder again, so they apologized and dropped the subject for now. Everyone went back to congratulating Monica and Chandler on the baby.

Later, while Ross and Rachel were packing to move to Paris, Ross surprised her with an engagement ring to make it official. They set the date of their wedding for next year to give Rachel enough planning time and to see whether they would stay in Paris longer for than a year, or try to get a transfer back to New York. Either way, they knew they would be together.

The End

* * *

**This is the last non-slash story I will write; I don't need the hassle from knee-jerk Mondler fans. This is not a Mondler story and never has been. Read the story summary again.**


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